Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Relationship Time Effect

Everyone has heard some story about how the slightest decisions in life can create completely different life patterns. Knowing this it always befuddled me how huge decisions in people's lives can be made without reflection and time considerations. So sticking with the 2009 relationship theme,we'll muddle through the Relationship Time Effect. Time is the biggest friend and foe that we encounter in life. In a good relationship, time is your friend strengthening and building your bond with your partner. But in temporary situations, the longer you are with the person, the more they can affect your life, in every way imaginable. Any and every relationship takes work and there is no real way to tell the extent to which a person will become important in life until they have actually taken that position. However there are some reminders I want to give my good readers so they won't waste their time:

1) Relationships no matter how big or small ALWAYS have an effect on you. They set the standard for relationships to come. No matter how temporary the person is, they can still wreak havoc on your emotional and mental systems. It is very important to remember that BEFORE any relationship is formed. Ask yourself if you want that person's influence in your life. I'm also guilty of the classic "I'm not trying to marry this guy/chick" speech to my friends, but regardless that man or woman WILL have an effect on how you will treat your future more serious relationships. Understand,experimentation is completely normal and healthy to a certain extent. But make your experiments QUALITY experiments so that even if they do not work out, you've learned some important discoveries. To put it plain, what is the point of dating a man with absolutely NO redeeming qualities? That's like going into the lab with an experiment with no importance to science and being shocked when your lab blows up and you've wasted your precious time and millions of dollars. (As you can see I'm getting ready for school again :) )

2) Don't hold on for dear life when your life is at stake. We all feel a sense of ownership with individuals we have been involved with. I know myself personally, the hardest thing when I get out of a relationship is not losing them per say but the idea that I will no longer be important to them nor they to me. I'm being honest and you should too. Many people are just together because they don't want someone else to get them and they don't want to be forgotten or unimportant. Remember the Butterfly Effect though. Each moment you spend with this person when you know it should be over is a moment stolen from someone else who was supposed to be in your life at that time. My mother used to always tell me: "God is a gentleman. He is going to let you do whatever you want with your life. We all have free will." So for all the people waiting for a physical push to get away from the person you're with, most of the time you will be sorely disappointed. You only get one life. Time is precious. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR AND YOUR PARTNER'S LIVES. And changing the flow of your life. Time has a way of making things happen. Joining of assets happens, KIDS happen, Emotional dependence happens. Especially with us ladies, we are programmed to enjoy and reward the time someone has been with us. If those aforementioned things scare you if they happened with your current partner, you're probably going to terminate the relationship at some point and have wasted precious TIME.

3) You have the right to know if you are wasting you time. If you do believe you've found a great person. Ask them questions. Don't be afraid to ask them what life time their on. When do they see themselves settling down? When do they see themselves reaching a certain level in their life? I'm shocked how many people don't have that conversation. It may be awkward but you will know what you are dealing with instead of waking up 3 years later in a relationship that you will eventually have to end. And trust me if you have to break up a long affair, you WILL be more bitter than when you started that said affair.

We all know the longer you stay with an individual, the harder it is to leave them. The more you have invested, the more ownership you feel, the harder the breakup, the less logistic it becomes. What people don't think about is the physical emotional and spiritual time you invested with the person. The longer you're with the individual the more they change you as a person. Don't let a right now person change you so much that your real partner won't recognize you when its time. Remember everything you do in life has a temporal consequence. You cannot spend the same time twice. Time is the most precious thing you have. Hope this helped.


New topic in 2010. Being the best woman or man you can be. On to Self-Growth. Stay Encouraged.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Old School Courting versus New School Talking

So as we come off of the good food and family time known as the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought a tradition blog would fit quite snugly into the mood. After dinner, I spoke to my grandmother about the state of the world. And she said something profound: just because its old school just means you'll get greater results today with a little tweaking. It got me thinking about relationships, particularly old school courting versus new school talking. So let's examine shall we? As usual I'll give you a couple of points to think about as your proceed through your regular scheduled programming:

1) Traditional courting had its worth. There was a method to the madness of taking a woman out, dating for months without attachment, then making a relationship ONLY if a true connection was felt. For example, taking a partner out on dates outside of each others comfort zones places both people in an equal state of awkwardness. The "watching a movie" phenomenon sets us negative views of each other and social dominance in the hands of whoever's house it is. It also makes the situation entirely too intimate. Both people are portrayed in a slightly negative light and it is not a healthy mindset in which to grow respect and eventually love. Dating for a couple of months without attachment allows the relationship to proceed at a normal rate of maturity. Letting someone into your life in a high role too fast makes you more obligated to stay with them when you shouldn't just to not disrupt the peace and structure of your life.

In this set up, you can date other people (one or two, don't go overboard) and get a feel for what you truly desire in a relationship, all while being honest to every party involved. Lastly, when you did decide to enter a relationship with the individual, all other strings need to be cut (do I need to say that again?) to allow proper breathing room for the new budding relationship you are now apart of.

2) Know the rules of your actions. Alot of people don't know some rules of the game they are playing, including me. So let me address a few game changers I have heard or experienced in the past. If these hurt a little, it's OK. We're growing.

"I pay for everything. Why do they not want to be with me?" - Money and love are not the same thing. In fact the person you are spending on is probably a) using you b) afraid you are trying to buy them off, or c) just do not respect the game you are playing. No one that is not married should be spending their rent checks on their significant others. And I sincerely hope you are with someone who would not ask you to.

"We had sex the first night we met. Can I build a relationship?" - My best friend and I call them "ho moments" and most of us, men and women, have them. But there are consequences. More often than not, a negative picture gets painted concerning your overall character (yes men you too) and a painted picture is HARD to wash off a canvas. Your partner may not feel as bad about leaving or cheating on you. So be ready for some type of backlash down the road or just take a ho moment like a champ and do it right with the next partner.

"We cheated to be together. Can our relationship make it?" - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! Call it karma, call it God,call it Murphy's Law. You can't do wrong and get right.

"My partner cheated on me. Can we get back the relationship we had before?" - The answer is NO there as well I'm afraid. But understanding the circumstances of their cheating makes a difference on whether or not the relationship can make it. If you honestly feel like your partner made a poor judgment and you do not see a flawed character profile, you CAN build a healthy new relationship from the ashes of the old. But let me say this: most of us are far too young to deal with the drama of re-patching a relationship. Its like repairing a TV when you have the money in your pocket to get a new one. The new one will give you more peace of mind.

Now there are many other game changers but that's for another blog so let's keep flowing through this one. Now, once you've established a traditional relationship mindset, don't forget the following:

1) Take a break from being futuristic. In no other time have we had access to people, places and things we haven't seen in 10 years. I'm friends with two of my exes on facebook and I haven't seen them since we broke up. With all the potential drama in our technology driven lives, it's always good to just get away. Turn off your phones for a night and have a rooftop dinner or go to a cabin. Good old fashioned couple time is always a type of cement for a relationship.

2) Assess the true value of your relationship. A good woman or man is going to be a little more work but ALOT more rewarding. Don't get sucked into a relationship just because it's an easy arrangement where you do not have to do anything. Temporary situations can become permanent faster than you ever thought imaginable. Be smart. Ask yourself if you see yourself ending up with the person you're with. If you can't, why waste time like that? That's the equivalent of saying: " I want to be a teacher but umm I think I'm going to go to medical school, even though I hate science." Does that make sense? Well your situation shouldn't either.

3) Be courteous. It does not take away from being an independent man or woman to do nice things for your partner. I do not mean spending heaps of money (refer to earlier). If you know your partner's favorite candy, pick it up for them because they had a long day. If you're busy take some time out your schedule to just call and have a long talk with them. Learn a new recipe in their favorite cuisine style and let them try it. People have forgotten how far little gestures go. Its a sweet way to remind someone you are in their corner in a self absorbed society.

At the end of the day, though they may seem antiquated, old school relationship rules are great guidelines you can patchwork into new ways of dating. Food for thought.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

REAL vs. FAKE Self Esteem

So this topic came to me in the middle of writing another blog. I had to post this first because it is extremely important to distinguish a real versus fake opinion of ones self. As of lately I have seen so many people obsessed with LOOKING like they are confident. However this is very different from actually being confident. So here are some questions to air out that emotional baggage you may be carrying about your self image.

1) Do I see beauty in being an imperfect human?

Almost everyday I scan my facebook and twitter pages to see how people lives are going. One thing that I find interesting is that some of my friends are ALWAYS posting status driven statuses (I know you like the wordplay :)). Now don't get me wrong I am not saying air out your dirty laundry via facebook or that there is anything wrong with positive emotions, but there is something real and refreshing about someone who paints themselves are a flawed human. There are going to be some days you don't feel like a don, a 5 star bitch, a boss, a diva, etc, etc. But it seems like even in their worst hours, people are determined to make others feel like their lives are perfection. If you are only comfortable faking superiority or posting pictures of how your life is better than everyone elses, perhaps you need to evaluate your NEED for this. If you fake it, you never will really make it.

Instead realize that some days you will feel more confident than others and on these days lacking that self assurance you can face your feelings and issues head on instead of submerging your feelings under things that really don't make you any better of a person.

2) Do I need constant reassurance?

Like any human, we crave attention and reassurance but lack of confidence is evident in needing constant reassurance. You know the people....that have to twitter "At the club with Person A"...."At the mall with person B"..."Here's a picture of me doing something crazy" . People craving retweets and status replies. Here's a news flash: if what you were doing was so much fun, you probably would not be thinking of how people on the Internet will react to what you are doing. Always needing validation leads to nothing but confusion and more self doubt. What happens when nobody seems to care about something you thought they would? Do your emotions free fall?

Instead try to lead the life that you want to lead, not the life you believe would get the most envious stares and gossip bits, because sadly most of those people are laughing at you not with you. Set a plan in action of where you want to be in 10 years and before you go act on a whim ask yourself if this is going to get you any closer to THAT goal. The best way to get people to notice is to be original, be confident, and be genuine. Those three are in short supply.

3) Do I like other people like me?

A lot of times people with low self esteem transfer their negative feelings about themselves onto other people who portray similar characteristics. Do you find yourself randomly disliking people? If so there may be something in that person that is mirroring something you do not like about yourself. Don't idolize people you are nothing like. That will always lead to self doubt. Instead find role models that encompass who are you and could grow into.

When we were all growing up there weren't many women portrayed that were brown skin successful women that weren't mean, controlling, or bitter. As a child my three chicks were Stacey Dash, Kenya Moore, and my mom. Stacey Dash usually portrayed a sweet quiet spoken woman. Kenya Moore was a beautiful brown skin Miss USA that excelled in philantrophy. My mother has the most strength class and wisdom of anyone I know. I started to really love being Ashley Kennedy and believed that I, just as I am physically and mentally, could encompass all those things. Love for myself grew leaps and bounds. Try your hardest to like people that look like you, have the same goals as you, think like you, and act like you. Who you REALLY are is to be celebrated. As you begin to love them, you in turn begin to love myself.

4) Can I be alone?

Now this is an interesting one a friend and I discussed. A little test to see how you really feel about yourself is to go home alone, sit down, and try to just relax in bed with no mindless television or music. If you can't face the thoughts in your head, most of the time you are lacking true self esteem. Most people keep busy so as not to face themselves.

If this is the case, then really listen to what you're thinking and feeling for those few moments. Let the insecurities creep in so you can find the root and destroy them. Lack of self esteem usually comes from ideas that aren't true to begin with:

"I am the only one that feels this way" - WRONG. Like Kanye says we're all self conscious and you're just admitting it.

"People have it better than me" - WRONG. 2 things always ring true: Life is what you make it and tribulations affect everyone. Every person has had a day when they are the fall guy. Today is just yours.

"People don't care about me" - WRONG. To be honest the general public doesn't care about anything. Most people on your friend list would not even notice if you didn't post for 5 years. And they are not being mean, people are living their own lives. However, you DO have your squad of people in your life that are your cheerleaders. Focus on spending time with the people that actually care about you instead of impressing people that barely know you are there.

Now doing these three things will not be an instant access to self esteem but it will get you in the right mindset to deal with any negative emotions you have. And believe me it is worth it to deal with some negative emotions to promote overall good mental health and positive self image. I write this because I am going through it as we speak as I know many others are. Remember, you can't fake it until you make it so deal with it and be the person you are portraying for real.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

Stop the Make-Up and Break- Up: Getting Through The Pain

This is the guide to deal with your feelings after the breakup.
8 Steps to Conquering the Merry-Go-Round!

Regardless of what your relationship did or did not have, there is usually discomfort or even pain after a relationship is over. The key is dealing with that pain in a constructive rather than destructive manner.

Step 1: Pain Cometh!
The first step is realizing you will feel some pain even when the breakup was your idea. It is very very common. This pain, as sometimes surmised, DOES NOT USUALLY MEAN YOU REALLY WISH TO STAY WITH THE INDIVIDUAL. Pain can come from several surfaces. You can be scared of the future, uncertain about your own shortcomings, stressed by the sheer severity of the break-up, and many others; all which produce mimic pain. If you can deal with these, you can cut the pain off from the root of the problem instead of finding yourself in a constant merry go round with a person you should have broken up with a long time ago.

Step 2: Don't Be Afraid to Feel
As corny as it sounds, don't be afraid to feel. Alot of people are emotional wimps. They will not break up with people to avoid that pain post break-up. This is the equivalent of letting your arm rot off to infection because you are scared of needles. You're letting a much bigger problem fester because you won't walk through a moment of discomfort. We all know the longer you stay with someone, the more attached you become. Not just your feelings, but your lives. So if you find yourself from make-up to break-up and back again, ask yourself: is this someone I want to be permanent in my life because that is where this is headed!

Step 3: Stop the Connection
This is important! Everyone is different, but in my experience most people cannot handle talking to their exes post breakup. So if you feel it is difficult for you to even converse with them, dont be afraid to lose their number, delete a facebook friend, and unfollow a twitter account because exes are notorious for skewing your view of the universe. Don't set yourself up for failure and talking to exes is usually more of a trial than a pleasure anyway. Remember as humans, we have selective memory. We will remember all the hugs and flowers and not the arguments. If you cut off the connection, it will be much easier to remember why you are no longer together.

Step 4: Let Them Go!
Yes your exes are going to be with other males or females. They may even be the people that helped cause the demise of your break-up. Alot of times, the one left hurting is the one who is left with noone. Lonliness and territorial behavior is a killer combo. It is this combination more than anything that keeps couples together. Even songs say it: "I don't want to be with her but I can't stand to see her with someone else." So expect that they have moved on, so that if you have evidence of that, you do not take it to heart. Always remember they are your ex for a reason and trust that something better is coming for you. Patience is a virtue and virtues don't come cheap. Don't settle for Mr. Right Now simply because you don't want Mrs. Worse getting him. Trust me: Mr. Right Now and Mrs. Worse wont even cross your mind when Mr./Mrs. Right shows up at your door.

Step 5: Impulse Control
Poor impulse control is the framework for most actions people regret later. If you find yourself calling your ex or showing up at your ex's house, take a minute and think if you even have a reason. The heat of the moment will dissipate. Impulse control is the hardest to conquer so the last three step are dedicated to how you can curve the urges.

Step 6: Stay Active
Even though not the healthiest method, staying active is my personal favorite. After all there is only 24 hours in the day. Catch up on things you love to do or get really into your new business or school projects. At the end of the day, you will be not only too busy for impulses, you will also start to feel better and get more done. When those promotions and grades start rolling in, they help you realize that life goes on and can be successful without that past individual.

Step 7: Reward Yourself
You've been through a trying time. You deserve some personal TLC. Take yourself to a spa, take your friend out to lunch, go to a game or concert,take a personal day off of work and relieve some stress. The list goes on and on. Work hard then play hard is a good combination to feel revived. It is also a good morale booster.

Step 8: Stay Positive
So many people get bogged down in failure in this one relationship, they begin to doubt themselves as a whole. You, yeah you, are an amazing person. You have unique talents and character traits that make you, you. Focus on them, build those up, and move forward an even better person than before.
You will find someone else. Forget the man shortage, forget the lack of good women, you can and will find someone who is a better fit for you than your last. Go out looking and smelling good and see if people don't notice. You'll soon realize that other people in the world would love to have you on their arm.

Just remember, pain is a natural emotion after change. Be prepared and follow steps to come out on the other end a stronger, more resilient person. See failed relationships as molders and not destroyers. The rest of your life is waiting.

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” —M. Kathleen Casey


Sunday, October 18, 2009

Random Question Series

When choosing a partner: Do opposites really attract or do similarities win out?

When to Let Go and When to Fight: The RICE method

When any relationship is tested, romantic or otherwise, one question that inevitably runs through your mind is the future. You start to wonder if it is time to give up under the pressure of the situation or to fight through it. But when I am asking myself those very questions, I always seem to question if the relationship has run its course or if it is just in a "rough patch."

From my experiences, I am found that there a few ways to aid in making that decision. I like to call them RICE or realism, intentions, character, and effort. Study these things in your relationship and they will help you make an informed decision or make your feel more confident in a decision you have already made.

Realism is simply is it realistic for us to be together? Do I see a relationship between us down the line? For example, I have friends in Alabama. Since I am in DC, it is not feasible for me to make them my lunch partner. Its just an unrealistic expectation because of distance. In relationships, it is unrealistic to try for a relationship when it is clear that your paths are diverging.

The second is intentions. We've all hurt people but I simply do not believe the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It does matter what your initial intention was. If your partner did a deed with a good intention that just perhaps backfired,then it may be very possible that with effort he or she can learn to correct that wrong. A heart in the right place makes a big difference. How can you tell good intention but bad behavior versus bad behavior with bad intentions? A person with good intention usually doe snot perform the action again once it has been discussed as negative. They also are genuinely apologetic, taking full responsibility and not shifting blame. Lastly, they are willing to put in the man hours to get back in your good graces without having to be coaxed.

The third and very important component is character. Character is unfortunately something you either have or do not possess. But even with character you can make mistakes. You can tell you are in a relationship with someone with character because they never go against their principles, whatever they may be. If you are with someone who says they hate cheating but then they go cheat, not only are you dealing with a cheater but you are ALSO dealing with a person of low character. The second is never changed. Sorry ladies. As Malcolm X and Alexander Hamilton stated "A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything." If someone can tell you anything and you believe your partner would do it, the battle is already lost.

Last is effort. Many things have been solved by a little elbow grease and many things have been lost due to laziness. It is very important that in any relationship both people are putting forth the same effort. If you constantly feel you are the only person moving forward and sweating hard, it may be a sign it is time to go. However if you have had a few kinks but both of you are putting in maximum effort to gain understanding of each other and respect each other, then one day you will see the fruits of your labor.

RICE really helps me when I am trying to make those tough decisions concerning friends and partners. And I hope it helps You.


Setting Expectations and taking L's

There are a lot of steps involved in conditioning yourself to not tolerate certain things. The first one and one of the hardest, especially in relationships, is setting expectations. Sounds simple enough but most of us don't do it. If you go to the grocery store with no list and no clue what items you need and don't need, you tend to be very disappointed with your selection when you get home. A version of a list needs to be made about your expectations before you even begin to look for someone new or move further in your relationship. Just like you wouldn't make a list entitled "things you don't want from WalMart", try not to focus on attributes you don't like. Instead make a list of things that are absolutely necessary for you to be happy. Focus on the positive. The reason to do it this way is simple. If you write down, "Not eggs, not bacon, not cheese" on a list at the grocery store does that help you find the items you need? No. You can still end up with things you don't need and nothing you do need. Try to make a list of things you need and see if you're ready to take them home. You deserve to come prepared to the table with a list of REASONABLE expectations for your partner and they in turn have the right to ask said things of you. If you can't talk to your partner, then you may want to ask yourself the basis of your relationship. Strong relationships are built on mutual companionship and understanding.

People tell you to never go to the grocery store hungry or completely full because you will leave with either a stockpile of things you'll never use or nothing much to choose from. This is also true in relationships. After a relationship you need time to get back in between hungry and full before you start something new. Make sure you're not bringing one meal into your next meal. No relationship can stand having your past pulling it apart. Before you make your expectations, ask yourself if your mind is in the future and not in your past. After all you cant make pot roast from last night's chicken alfredo ingredients. We've all had people treat us in ways that we don't deserve. But we cannot punish ourselves and future partners for their missteps. After every relationship we must analyze what we needed and what we did not get and assign them new importance. Sometimes attributes can shift after someone shows us just how important to us some things are. Otherwise that past can repeat itself because you never updated your list.

So now that we know what not to list, what do we make necessary. First on your list should be character and spiritual traits you can't live without. Things like honesty, thoughtfulness, spirituality, or intelligence. The second is cultural things you desire. Things like social life, goals, or family aspirations. The third is physical qualifications. Fourth is actions or your expectations for things like cheating, abuse, or romantic acts. Remember be considerate. Don't hold people to standards you yourself would fail. List things that you really require not things you think you should require. Everyone's list is different. No matter how silly, if you really need it to be happy, write it down. Lastly, rank everything. You can live without some of the lesser things but do not compromise on your majors.

So you're probably like yeah Ashley I do that. But here is the snare that we are rarely prepared for. What happens when this person, we already are starting to love and create hopes for, does not meet this list? What happens when we just desperately want someone to be "the one" but they are simply not adding up? The hardest part of the concept is making the list concrete. Are you really strong enough to let someone go that you want but who doesn't have your essentials i.e. take an "L"? And that dear friends is another set of questions I cannot answer for you. Losses are not always failures. At the end of the day, you get what you expect.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Classically Designed

For my voyage post, I must begin my blog journey with the definition of classic that is most near and dear to my heart. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines classic as " serving as a standard of excellence : of recognized value, Traditional, enduring." In the haze of technological advances and cultural breakthroughs, tradition has become lost in translation. If someone marks themselves as traditional, negative connotations turn them into a laggard and an intolerant and sometimes ignorant individual. But I, always in the spirit of compromise, ask why can't we move forward while still keeping the things of our past that are designed to keep us grounded? As my blog states my goal is to bind you to your roots while pushing you toward your future. After all there is a reason that some standards of excellence should endure. Much Love.


Classically Designed: "The Right Fit"

"The Right Fit"

So my overall 2009 topic and the tradition that I see less and less of is intolerance for bullshit. Yeah, I said bullshit. There used to be some things that just were not tolerated, period. Not to say nobody tolerated them but the general consensus was that some things were wrong. The main thing that comes to mind is bad relationships. People call me and tell me everyday about relationships that just wont get right. And my resounding response is always "Well why are you still in it?"

Now this topic is going to take me a while to complete but today this idea came to me while I was in my room. I have lost some poundage and was trying on some jeans. I twirled and looked and they fit fine but I found myself still knowing that those were not the right jeans for me. Why? because I know myself.

Our generation seems to know how to shop for clothes and not how to shop for a partner. Dating is imperative to your finding a great mate. For example, the search for a pair of jeans that do all the right things is elusive and sometimes frustrating. They may hug your butt right but they're too short or they may be the right color but a little baggy. But although the search is tiring, finding a pair of jeans that "will do" is never very fulfilling. Being in a bad relationship and feeling the need to stay there does two very detrimental things : 1) it conditions you to believe that this is the best fit out there for you, therefore diminishing your self worth and 2) damages your view of your dating pool. Wearing around jeans that are just okay certainly does not do wonders for your figure.

Now don't get me wrong, it is almost inevitable you will run across the "almost" person. They're like my baby phat jeans, they fit well enough to go out in public but that's about it. The person who has just enough good points to make you love them and enough bad points to make you crazy to stay. These people are frustrating but when you feel yourself torn, take a minute. Let yourself out of the situation to breathe, even date some other people. Reorient yourself to what you are dealing with. If after you have been with yourself, you still want to be with them, then by all means.
What it all comes down to, good people, is knowing yourself. There should be no one on Earth that knows you better than you know yourself. If you have fallen out of touch with yourself, take a class on the subject, its pretty enlightening. In today's society, there are so many ways to disguise yourself from yourself. You can join certain groups that transform you or wear certain clothes that transform you. Never have I met so many people that just weren't anything like who they really were. In the haze of creating that perfect video vixen, CEO, 5 star chick, swagaholic, or H.N.I.C. we have inadvertently lost ourselves and with it, what we truly want for ourselves. Dating becomes the same haze of finding people that fit what would fit our image and not what would fit our hearts. For example, I have always loves skinny jeans. They're so cute to me, but I have way too much leg for skinny jeans. So I have two choices, I can just buy skinny jeans squeeze them on because I like them and keep my life pushing. Or I can accentuate my figure by shopping and finding what looks good on me. It takes longer, but in the end when I'm happy and strutting my stuff in my bootlegs, I will feel better.

But we all still want some form of acceptance right? Will I really still feel good about my jeans when everyone else has on skinny jeans? Same goes for your relationships, are you ever just happy and confident in your relationship? If you did not have the thumbs up from your friends and the general applause from society, would you still be happy?

Or maybe its just fear or laziness that drives me towards trends. Wouldn't be easier for me to slap on some skinny jeans? Or am I scared that I will try every jean and nothing will fit me right? How will I feel about myself then? Maybe I should just stick with these skinny jeans. Are you just staying with that person for fear of the dating unknown? Are you scared that if you leave that person, you will never find anyone that is your right fit? Do you just not want to start all over again? Im purposely not providing answers :).

Remember, relationships are inevitably about the right fit. Don't be afraid to really self reflect on what creates the right fit for you. If it is not your partner, don't be afraid to go out and search for your perfect pair.