So my overall 2009 topic and the tradition that I see less and less of is intolerance for bullshit. Yeah, I said bullshit. There used to be some things that just were not tolerated, period. Not to say nobody tolerated them but the general consensus was that some things were wrong. The main thing that comes to mind is bad relationships. People call me and tell me everyday about relationships that just wont get right. And my resounding response is always "Well why are you still in it?"
Now this topic is going to take me a while to complete but today this idea came to me while I was in my room. I have lost some poundage and was trying on some jeans. I twirled and looked and they fit fine but I found myself still knowing that those were not the right jeans for me. Why? because I know myself.
Our generation seems to know how to shop for clothes and not how to shop for a partner. Dating is imperative to your finding a great mate. For example, the search for a pair of jeans that do all the right things is elusive and sometimes frustrating. They may hug your butt right but they're too short or they may be the right color but a little baggy. But although the search is tiring, finding a pair of jeans that "will do" is never very fulfilling. Being in a bad relationship and feeling the need to stay there does two very detrimental things : 1) it conditions you to believe that this is the best fit out there for you, therefore diminishing your self worth and 2) damages your view of your dating pool. Wearing around jeans that are just okay certainly does not do wonders for your figure.
Now don't get me wrong, it is almost inevitable you will run across the "almost" person. They're like my baby phat jeans, they fit well enough to go out in public but that's about it. The person who has just enough good points to make you love them and enough bad points to make you crazy to stay. These people are frustrating but when you feel yourself torn, take a minute. Let yourself out of the situation to breathe, even date some other people. Reorient yourself to what you are dealing with. If after you have been with yourself, you still want to be with them, then by all means.
What it all comes down to, good people, is knowing yourself. There should be no one on Earth that knows you better than you know yourself. If you have fallen out of touch with yourself, take a class on the subject, its pretty enlightening. In today's society, there are so many ways to disguise yourself from yourself. You can join certain groups that transform you or wear certain clothes that transform you. Never have I met so many people that just weren't anything like who they really were. In the haze of creating that perfect video vixen, CEO, 5 star chick, swagaholic, or H.N.I.C. we have inadvertently lost ourselves and with it, what we truly want for ourselves. Dating becomes the same haze of finding people that fit what would fit our image and not what would fit our hearts. For example, I have always loves skinny jeans. They're so cute to me, but I have way too much leg for skinny jeans. So I have two choices, I can just buy skinny jeans squeeze them on because I like them and keep my life pushing. Or I can accentuate my figure by shopping and finding what looks good on me. It takes longer, but in the end when I'm happy and strutting my stuff in my bootlegs, I will feel better.
But we all still want some form of acceptance right? Will I really still feel good about my jeans when everyone else has on skinny jeans? Same goes for your relationships, are you ever just happy and confident in your relationship? If you did not have the thumbs up from your friends and the general applause from society, would you still be happy?
Or maybe its just fear or laziness that drives me towards trends. Wouldn't be easier for me to slap on some skinny jeans? Or am I scared that I will try every jean and nothing will fit me right? How will I feel about myself then? Maybe I should just stick with these skinny jeans. Are you just staying with that person for fear of the dating unknown? Are you scared that if you leave that person, you will never find anyone that is your right fit? Do you just not want to start all over again? Im purposely not providing answers :).
Remember, relationships are inevitably about the right fit. Don't be afraid to really self reflect on what creates the right fit for you. If it is not your partner, don't be afraid to go out and search for your perfect pair.