Old School Courting versus New School Talking

So as we come off of the good food and family time known as the Thanksgiving holiday, I thought a tradition blog would fit quite snugly into the mood. After dinner, I spoke to my grandmother about the state of the world. And she said something profound: just because its old school just means you'll get greater results today with a little tweaking. It got me thinking about relationships, particularly old school courting versus new school talking. So let's examine shall we? As usual I'll give you a couple of points to think about as your proceed through your regular scheduled programming:

1) Traditional courting had its worth. There was a method to the madness of taking a woman out, dating for months without attachment, then making a relationship ONLY if a true connection was felt. For example, taking a partner out on dates outside of each others comfort zones places both people in an equal state of awkwardness. The "watching a movie" phenomenon sets us negative views of each other and social dominance in the hands of whoever's house it is. It also makes the situation entirely too intimate. Both people are portrayed in a slightly negative light and it is not a healthy mindset in which to grow respect and eventually love. Dating for a couple of months without attachment allows the relationship to proceed at a normal rate of maturity. Letting someone into your life in a high role too fast makes you more obligated to stay with them when you shouldn't just to not disrupt the peace and structure of your life.

In this set up, you can date other people (one or two, don't go overboard) and get a feel for what you truly desire in a relationship, all while being honest to every party involved. Lastly, when you did decide to enter a relationship with the individual, all other strings need to be cut (do I need to say that again?) to allow proper breathing room for the new budding relationship you are now apart of.

2) Know the rules of your actions. Alot of people don't know some rules of the game they are playing, including me. So let me address a few game changers I have heard or experienced in the past. If these hurt a little, it's OK. We're growing.

"I pay for everything. Why do they not want to be with me?" - Money and love are not the same thing. In fact the person you are spending on is probably a) using you b) afraid you are trying to buy them off, or c) just do not respect the game you are playing. No one that is not married should be spending their rent checks on their significant others. And I sincerely hope you are with someone who would not ask you to.

"We had sex the first night we met. Can I build a relationship?" - My best friend and I call them "ho moments" and most of us, men and women, have them. But there are consequences. More often than not, a negative picture gets painted concerning your overall character (yes men you too) and a painted picture is HARD to wash off a canvas. Your partner may not feel as bad about leaving or cheating on you. So be ready for some type of backlash down the road or just take a ho moment like a champ and do it right with the next partner.

"We cheated to be together. Can our relationship make it?" - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! Call it karma, call it God,call it Murphy's Law. You can't do wrong and get right.

"My partner cheated on me. Can we get back the relationship we had before?" - The answer is NO there as well I'm afraid. But understanding the circumstances of their cheating makes a difference on whether or not the relationship can make it. If you honestly feel like your partner made a poor judgment and you do not see a flawed character profile, you CAN build a healthy new relationship from the ashes of the old. But let me say this: most of us are far too young to deal with the drama of re-patching a relationship. Its like repairing a TV when you have the money in your pocket to get a new one. The new one will give you more peace of mind.

Now there are many other game changers but that's for another blog so let's keep flowing through this one. Now, once you've established a traditional relationship mindset, don't forget the following:

1) Take a break from being futuristic. In no other time have we had access to people, places and things we haven't seen in 10 years. I'm friends with two of my exes on facebook and I haven't seen them since we broke up. With all the potential drama in our technology driven lives, it's always good to just get away. Turn off your phones for a night and have a rooftop dinner or go to a cabin. Good old fashioned couple time is always a type of cement for a relationship.

2) Assess the true value of your relationship. A good woman or man is going to be a little more work but ALOT more rewarding. Don't get sucked into a relationship just because it's an easy arrangement where you do not have to do anything. Temporary situations can become permanent faster than you ever thought imaginable. Be smart. Ask yourself if you see yourself ending up with the person you're with. If you can't, why waste time like that? That's the equivalent of saying: " I want to be a teacher but umm I think I'm going to go to medical school, even though I hate science." Does that make sense? Well your situation shouldn't either.

3) Be courteous. It does not take away from being an independent man or woman to do nice things for your partner. I do not mean spending heaps of money (refer to earlier). If you know your partner's favorite candy, pick it up for them because they had a long day. If you're busy take some time out your schedule to just call and have a long talk with them. Learn a new recipe in their favorite cuisine style and let them try it. People have forgotten how far little gestures go. Its a sweet way to remind someone you are in their corner in a self absorbed society.

At the end of the day, though they may seem antiquated, old school relationship rules are great guidelines you can patchwork into new ways of dating. Food for thought.

-Classic

Classically Designed

For my voyage post, I must begin my blog journey with the definition of classic that is most near and dear to my heart. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines classic as " serving as a standard of excellence : of recognized value, Traditional, enduring." In the haze of technological advances and cultural breakthroughs, tradition has become lost in translation. If someone marks themselves as traditional, negative connotations turn them into a laggard and an intolerant and sometimes ignorant individual. But I, always in the spirit of compromise, ask why can't we move forward while still keeping the things of our past that are designed to keep us grounded? As my blog states my goal is to bind you to your roots while pushing you toward your future. After all there is a reason that some standards of excellence should endure. Much Love.

-Classic

Classically Designed: "The Right Fit"

"The Right Fit"

So my overall 2009 topic and the tradition that I see less and less of is intolerance for bullshit. Yeah, I said bullshit. There used to be some things that just were not tolerated, period. Not to say nobody tolerated them but the general consensus was that some things were wrong. The main thing that comes to mind is bad relationships. People call me and tell me everyday about relationships that just wont get right. And my resounding response is always "Well why are you still in it?"

Now this topic is going to take me a while to complete but today this idea came to me while I was in my room. I have lost some poundage and was trying on some jeans. I twirled and looked and they fit fine but I found myself still knowing that those were not the right jeans for me. Why? because I know myself.

Our generation seems to know how to shop for clothes and not how to shop for a partner. Dating is imperative to your finding a great mate. For example, the search for a pair of jeans that do all the right things is elusive and sometimes frustrating. They may hug your butt right but they're too short or they may be the right color but a little baggy. But although the search is tiring, finding a pair of jeans that "will do" is never very fulfilling. Being in a bad relationship and feeling the need to stay there does two very detrimental things : 1) it conditions you to believe that this is the best fit out there for you, therefore diminishing your self worth and 2) damages your view of your dating pool. Wearing around jeans that are just okay certainly does not do wonders for your figure.

Now don't get me wrong, it is almost inevitable you will run across the "almost" person. They're like my baby phat jeans, they fit well enough to go out in public but that's about it. The person who has just enough good points to make you love them and enough bad points to make you crazy to stay. These people are frustrating but when you feel yourself torn, take a minute. Let yourself out of the situation to breathe, even date some other people. Reorient yourself to what you are dealing with. If after you have been with yourself, you still want to be with them, then by all means.

What it all comes down to, good people, is knowing yourself. There should be no one on Earth that knows you better than you know yourself. If you have fallen out of touch with yourself, take a class on the subject, its pretty enlightening. In today's society, there are so many ways to disguise yourself from yourself. You can join certain groups that transform you or wear certain clothes that transform you. Never have I met so many people that just weren't anything like who they really were. In the haze of creating that perfect video vixen, CEO, 5 star chick, swagaholic, or H.N.I.C. we have inadvertently lost ourselves and with it, what we truly want for ourselves. Dating becomes the same haze of finding people that fit what would fit our image and not what would fit our hearts. For example, I have always loves skinny jeans. They're so cute to me, but I have way too much leg for skinny jeans. So I have two choices, I can just buy skinny jeans squeeze them on because I like them and keep my life pushing. Or I can accentuate my figure by shopping and finding what looks good on me. It takes longer, but in the end when I'm happy and strutting my stuff in my bootlegs, I will feel better.

But we all still want some form of acceptance right? Will I really still feel good about my jeans when everyone else has on skinny jeans? Same goes for your relationships, are you ever just happy and confident in your relationship? If you did not have the thumbs up from your friends and the general applause from society, would you still be happy?

Or maybe its just fear or laziness that drives me towards trends. Wouldn't be easier for me to slap on some skinny jeans? Or am I scared that I will try every jean and nothing will fit me right? How will I feel about myself then? Maybe I should just stick with these skinny jeans. Are you just staying with that person for fear of the dating unknown? Are you scared that if you leave that person, you will never find anyone that is your right fit? Do you just not want to start all over again? Im purposely not providing answers :).

Remember, relationships are inevitably about the right fit. Don't be afraid to really self reflect on what creates the right fit for you. If it is not your partner, don't be afraid to go out and search for your perfect pair.

-Classic