V-DAY BLUES

In the spirit of Valentines Day, I wanted to touch on the subject of romantic loneliness. The theme of 2010 is self actualization and loneliness in any form is an emotion that needs to be dealt with. I've heard many of my friends who are smart funny attractive and certainly worthy of every affection in the world beat themselves up because they find themselves frequently unattached. Well, let me see if I can put things in perspective for you.

1) Don't Take It Personal:
A lot of times when people think of someone being single, they attribute it to that individual being somehow unfit of obtaining or handling a relationship. Nine times out of ten, especially as young as we are in the game of life, that just simply is not the case. So stop beating yourself up. You will find someone in due time and it does seem to ring true that every time you stop thinking about it and resign to the situation, a budding romance appears. Yes, you are deserving of love.
2) Don't Focus on Romantic Love Only:
As a generation, we have forgotten about the other types of love. So many of us are willing to throw all our other relationships out the window for a chance at a romantic connection. Dare I say, romantic love is one of the weakest of the forms of love? Cultivate other relationships with your friends, family members, and colleagues. Throw a party for your friends or take your parents out to dinner. Spend a day with your sister, cousin, or brother. Bring your coworkers coffee and take an interest in their lives. See if you don't feel loved whether you're single or involved. When I look back in life at some of my favorite times, it involves an array of people not just past men. Promoting amazing relationships in other areas of your life will make you a genuinely more rounded, less easily hurt, and more marketable individual. People can see loneliness all over your face and that is not marketable to potential mates. And when you do find yourself interested in someone new, it does make you easier to love. The person that will be thinking “All of these people, think this person is amazing, so why shouldn’t I?” So don’t be lonely, there are people who would love nothing more than spending some time with you.
3) Don’t Listen to Others:
For some reason, the holiday has become more of a look what I got day instead of a true exchange of love day. I’ve been on both sides of the fence of the holiday. I’ve been the girl excited to tell my friends what my sweetie got me and I have been the friend that just wanted the mushy day to end. Sometimes it is a natural reaction of people to compare their lives to others. Resist that urge. Be genuinely happy for your friends involved in relationships. Envy eats away at everyone and that envy actually feeds loneliness. If you resist the envy, the loneliness automatically gets better. Understand that one day you will want someone to revel in your happiness with you as well.
4) Enjoy Being Single! :
Nobody enjoys being single anymore and it is so mind blowing to me! Being a single adult can be so much fun depending on what light you see it in. You have no one to answer to, you can date multiple people (responsibly!), you can focus more on your career, your family, and your friends. Your dating options are wide open, you could marry a future President or model or philosopher for all you know. What’s not to like? Our society has made being single, especially for women, a form of leprosy instead of a normal passage of life everyone should go through at one point or another. It is entirely unhealthy to have never been single at any point in life (sorry but it is). So enjoy your time! Once your romantic life sets in, you will never have that particular form of freedom again.

I hope these tips help. This blog is not an anti-Valentines Day post at all. Make sure whether you have someone or don’t to make your V-day as full of love as possible. Remember to tell EVERYONE you love just how much they mean to you. Everybody needs it.

Love You guys and Happy Upcoming Valentine's Day to You and Yours,
-Classic

Riding Solo

Alone time is a simple concept but it is very hard to initiate. We have a craving for human connection at all times but I have found that when I am immersed in other people, I am rarely immersed in myself. Being alone sometimes does not mean you are lame or antisocial, it is a necessary component of growth spiritually emotionally or mentally. So let's delve into the benefits of rolling solo every now and then:
1) Good for Self-Realization:
Many of the big epiphanies I have concluded I have come to when I was alone. People drown out your inner voice, not on purpose, but you really can't listen to two things at once. That is why the people who spend the majority of their lives alone are usually wiser than your people pleasers and lives of the party (no they are not the same but that's another blog). If people were the road to self-actualization, then the stars of the world, admired by all, surrounded by everyone would be the most sound and enlightened people in the world. As we all know, it usually doesn't pan out like that. Instead people have know for years via meditation, time outs for children, etc. that if you get a minute alone, you usually work out your own problems. So do yourself a favor and allow that time alone naturally. You do not have to be stagnant; in your time alone you can write poetry, music, letters. You can admire nature while you think. Let your mind wander naturally to things you don't allow yourself to think about during a normal day. Don't depress yourself but the more you work your intelligence, the more control you will have over the way it functions and the emotions it brings. Your mind like every other part of your body must be exercised;most of the time, people are not a good mental workout.
2) Gives You Time to See Your World:
Some of us live a "can't see the forest for the trees" lifestyle. The individuals around us block our view of our life. Have you ever not hung around someone for a few days and start to realize "I don't even like hanging around them. Why do I do it?" That is because that individual is in your face so much that you are not allowed time with your thoughts. Trust me, a few days alone will allow you to see where the cracks in the foundation of your life exist. You will start to realize who is toxic and who you cannot live without. You will start to realize things you would like to change and make better whether it be career, education, or lifestyle wise. In the last few weeks, I have stepped AWAY from my life and my purpose has been fulfilled. I now have no doubts on WHAT I should be doing right now with my life as a whole and WHO was stunting my growth to that destination.
3) No Drama!:
Hand in Hand with Number 3: If you find yourself prone to a drama filled life, being by yourself is just plain relaxing. It gives you the time and mental functioning to not make the drama worse and how to alleviate the problems in your life. You may find that you like your new found serenity more than the hustle and bustle of the everyday and make changes toward making your peace permanent.
4) Increases Productivity:
There is nothing more productive than being by yourself! We all know this. When we shut off our phones, turn on our mind and get working, we are always shocked how much we get accomplished. I know I am. The other day I wrote a paper in record time and I was like "Wow, why don't I just do this all the time?" People are an awesome distraction but a distraction nonetheless. Believe me, you will be mad at yourself and those people years down the line when you find yourself not where you want to be. And the crazy part about it is that THEY are probably getting closer to their goals everyday. So do us all a favor and live up to your maximum productive potential.


"I restore myself when I'm alone." -Marilyn Monroe. Being alone is like the water to your system. People don't drink water like they should and people don't spend enough time alone like they should. That is saying that everything you drink must be water just like people have their places in your life too. But when you take those moments to be alone, you grow into a more self aware, more productive, wiser person. Who doesn't want that? Hope this helps.

-Classic