Friday, February 12, 2010
In the spirit of Valentines Day, I wanted to touch on the subject of romantic loneliness. The theme of 2010 is self actualization and loneliness in any form is an emotion that needs to be dealt with. I've heard many of my friends who are smart funny attractive and certainly worthy of every affection in the world beat themselves up because they find themselves frequently unattached. Well, let me see if I can put things in perspective for you.
1) Don't Take It Personal:
A lot of times when people think of someone being single, they attribute it to that individual being somehow unfit of obtaining or handling a relationship. Nine times out of ten, especially as young as we are in the game of life, that just simply is not the case. So stop beating yourself up. You will find someone in due time and it does seem to ring true that every time you stop thinking about it and resign to the situation, a budding romance appears. Yes, you are deserving of love.
2) Don't Focus on Romantic Love Only:
As a generation, we have forgotten about the other types of love. So many of us are willing to throw all our other relationships out the window for a chance at a romantic connection. Dare I say, romantic love is one of the weakest of the forms of love? Cultivate other relationships with your friends, family members, and colleagues. Throw a party for your friends or take your parents out to dinner. Spend a day with your sister, cousin, or brother. Bring your coworkers coffee and take an interest in their lives. See if you don't feel loved whether you're single or involved. When I look back in life at some of my favorite times, it involves an array of people not just past men. Promoting amazing relationships in other areas of your life will make you a genuinely more rounded, less easily hurt, and more marketable individual. People can see loneliness all over your face and that is not marketable to potential mates. And when you do find yourself interested in someone new, it does make you easier to love. The person that will be thinking “All of these people, think this person is amazing, so why shouldn’t I?” So don’t be lonely, there are people who would love nothing more than spending some time with you.
3) Don’t Listen to Others:
For some reason, the holiday has become more of a look what I got day instead of a true exchange of love day. I’ve been on both sides of the fence of the holiday. I’ve been the girl excited to tell my friends what my sweetie got me and I have been the friend that just wanted the mushy day to end. Sometimes it is a natural reaction of people to compare their lives to others. Resist that urge. Be genuinely happy for your friends involved in relationships. Envy eats away at everyone and that envy actually feeds loneliness. If you resist the envy, the loneliness automatically gets better. Understand that one day you will want someone to revel in your happiness with you as well.
4) Enjoy Being Single! :
Nobody enjoys being single anymore and it is so mind blowing to me! Being a single adult can be so much fun depending on what light you see it in. You have no one to answer to, you can date multiple people (responsibly!), you can focus more on your career, your family, and your friends. Your dating options are wide open, you could marry a future President or model or philosopher for all you know. What’s not to like? Our society has made being single, especially for women, a form of leprosy instead of a normal passage of life everyone should go through at one point or another. It is entirely unhealthy to have never been single at any point in life (sorry but it is). So enjoy your time! Once your romantic life sets in, you will never have that particular form of freedom again.
I hope these tips help. This blog is not an anti-Valentines Day post at all. Make sure whether you have someone or don’t to make your V-day as full of love as possible. Remember to tell EVERYONE you love just how much they mean to you. Everybody needs it.
Love You guys and Happy Upcoming Valentine's Day to You and Yours,