Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The Relationship Time Effect
Everyone has heard some story about how the slightest decisions in life can create completely different life patterns. Knowing this it always befuddled me how huge decisions in people's lives can be made without reflection and time considerations. So sticking with the 2009 relationship theme,we'll muddle through the Relationship Time Effect. Time is the biggest friend and foe that we encounter in life. In a good relationship, time is your friend strengthening and building your bond with your partner. But in temporary situations, the longer you are with the person, the more they can affect your life, in every way imaginable. Any and every relationship takes work and there is no real way to tell the extent to which a person will become important in life until they have actually taken that position. However there are some reminders I want to give my good readers so they won't waste their time:
1) Relationships no matter how big or small ALWAYS have an effect on you. They set the standard for relationships to come. No matter how temporary the person is, they can still wreak havoc on your emotional and mental systems. It is very important to remember that BEFORE any relationship is formed. Ask yourself if you want that person's influence in your life. I'm also guilty of the classic "I'm not trying to marry this guy/chick" speech to my friends, but regardless that man or woman WILL have an effect on how you will treat your future more serious relationships. Understand,experimentation is completely normal and healthy to a certain extent. But make your experiments QUALITY experiments so that even if they do not work out, you've learned some important discoveries. To put it plain, what is the point of dating a man with absolutely NO redeeming qualities? That's like going into the lab with an experiment with no importance to science and being shocked when your lab blows up and you've wasted your precious time and millions of dollars. (As you can see I'm getting ready for school again :) )
2) Don't hold on for dear life when your life is at stake. We all feel a sense of ownership with individuals we have been involved with. I know myself personally, the hardest thing when I get out of a relationship is not losing them per say but the idea that I will no longer be important to them nor they to me. I'm being honest and you should too. Many people are just together because they don't want someone else to get them and they don't want to be forgotten or unimportant. Remember the Butterfly Effect though. Each moment you spend with this person when you know it should be over is a moment stolen from someone else who was supposed to be in your life at that time. My mother used to always tell me: "God is a gentleman. He is going to let you do whatever you want with your life. We all have free will." So for all the people waiting for a physical push to get away from the person you're with, most of the time you will be sorely disappointed. You only get one life. Time is precious. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR AND YOUR PARTNER'S LIVES. And changing the flow of your life. Time has a way of making things happen. Joining of assets happens, KIDS happen, Emotional dependence happens. Especially with us ladies, we are programmed to enjoy and reward the time someone has been with us. If those aforementioned things scare you if they happened with your current partner, you're probably going to terminate the relationship at some point and have wasted precious TIME.
3) You have the right to know if you are wasting you time. If you do believe you've found a great person. Ask them questions. Don't be afraid to ask them what life time their on. When do they see themselves settling down? When do they see themselves reaching a certain level in their life? I'm shocked how many people don't have that conversation. It may be awkward but you will know what you are dealing with instead of waking up 3 years later in a relationship that you will eventually have to end. And trust me if you have to break up a long affair, you WILL be more bitter than when you started that said affair.
We all know the longer you stay with an individual, the harder it is to leave them. The more you have invested, the more ownership you feel, the harder the breakup, the less logistic it becomes. What people don't think about is the physical emotional and spiritual time you invested with the person. The longer you're with the individual the more they change you as a person. Don't let a right now person change you so much that your real partner won't recognize you when its time. Remember everything you do in life has a temporal consequence. You cannot spend the same time twice. Time is the most precious thing you have. Hope this helped.
New topic in 2010. Being the best woman or man you can be. On to Self-Growth. Stay Encouraged.