Thursday, January 14, 2010
How do you know YOU are in PAIN?
We have all heard hurting people hurt people. Well they also hurt themselves. Pain is one of those emotions that can easily be disguised and not properly taken care of; it WILL eat away at you. I encounter more people in pain everyday than I do anything else. And I always ask myself "Do they know they are wearing their pain on their sleeve?" Pain does not only come from relationships, which I touched on earlier. There are sources of pain so deep that you've been in constant pain since your childhood. I've been in pain and it is such an abysmal place to be. It’s time to get rid of the hurt and disapproval of ourselves. So today's blog is addressed to those people who may not know they are hurting. And because we are focused on positivity, I will follow each one with ways to combat it.
1) Something Terrible Happened: If a tragedy happens in your life, the pain is SOMEWHERE. Especially African Americans, we don't deal with deaths and disappointments but you did feel something and if you don't address it, it will manifest itself into every aspect of your life. You can't expect to be back to emotional green after some tragedies occur. Nobody is that strong, we weren't created to be. Get help, whether it is a counselor, a pastor, or a friend, talk it out. Do it for your mental and emotional future.
2) Everyday occurrences cause destruction: There are days when things go wrong. And when these things occur, you may feel like saying "Damn!" or kicking something. But when little things happening throughout your day always seem to summon a complete meltdown, you are in pain. That dude you can't stand saying something off the wall shouldn't elicit an outburst. Your car overheating shouldn't land you in the bed crying the rest of the day. If you always feel like: "If one more thing happens, I will lose it", there's something behind the veil you have not dealt with or dealt with properly.
3) You're constantly negative: Have people made comments to you like,"Dang why are you so negative" or "Hater!". If you get these all the time, chances are there is an underlying pain to your cynicism. There are two different types of negative people: Theoretically negative and Aspect negative. Let's start with theoretically negative people or people that think that as a whole the world is just a dismal place. People that are happy are said to see the world through "rose colored glasses." Negative people see through pitch black ones. Every situation similar to yours has to be commented on as if it were exactly like yours, am I right? The "men always aint shit" women, the "women are all the same" men, or my favorites: the "you just can't get ahead in the world" people. We all know them. Soon people will start pulling away from you. There's nothing worse than someone who you know will always answer your questions negatively. It may also stop your future friends and relationship from coming to fruition as well.
Aspect negative people are those people that are always picking on characteristics and traits in particular people. "Girl her hair is cute!"..."Nah she needs a perm and that style is outdated, did you know she's a ho?" Yeah those people. Usually this comes from a physical pain. Hint if you don't know why you say these things. The things you pick on in other people are USUALLY the traits you are most uncomfortable in yourself. Most people who are always commenting on other people being unattractive, usually don’t think they’re attractive at all. And that’s REAL. And if you are that negative person, your friends have noticed. So ask them, do I do these things? They'll tell you (Will they!). Seeing flaws in other people usually comes from a physical pain. Maybe you got picked on for being bigger when you were little and now bigger people get on your nerves. etc.
4) You are overly sensitive and paranoid: This one is the saddest ones to me and I know by experience. I've been there. The classic "everyone has planned their days out to make me feel bad" person. Someone doesn't call them back in 10 minutes and they go into convulsions like the person is laughing at them while their phone is going off. You hear your coworkers whispering and you automatically think they are talking about you. This pain usually is caused by some pain associated with your physical appearance. I'm not appealing because I'm too short, dark, big, etc. It makes you believe everyone sees you the way you see yourself. Like I've said before, realistically, most people don't care enough about you to conspire against you. I know you're saying: "Ashley, you're mean" Nope! When you get that in your head, it instantly cures paranoia. Think about when you're happy, how little you think about the average person around you. You don't. You're in your own little world. So are they. So buck up, your insecurities are in your head. People don’t see you the way you see yourself, Thank God!
5) You find it hard to be motivated: The "What's the point?" person is a real downer for themselves and others. Everyday is a struggle to get menial tasks done. This pain is usually tied to something spiritual or mental. You start to feel like whatever you do, it just is not enough to change anything. You have to be careful. This one can turn into full blown depression and that is all bad.
The Way to Stop it?
1) Find the Root: Be honest. The most beautiful people in the world have admitted flaws. Admit you don't like your hair or wish you could be smarter. It's okay. If you know what really hurts, you can treat it. It's like something on your body hurting; you can't apply Neosporin if you do not know where the cut is.
2) Kill IT: There is no one stop fix pain shop unfortunately, especially for the deep rooted problems. The best way to kill pain is to work on it. Whatever area you are weakest in find ways to make yourself stronger in that area. If one of your pains comes from being overweight, eat healthier, go to the gym, and buy clothes and accessories that fit and make you feel slimmer in the process. If you don't feel adequately smart, read books or try taking on a new language so you can be proud of your mental accomplishments. If you feel like the world is unfair, get closer to achieving a dream no one can stop you from achieving: find people to cut your album, apply to a degree program, or write a blog. :) Most "flaws" can be corrected by dedication. It also corrects that struggle to be motivated.
I hope this helped. I felt an urge to write about this so I feel like someone needed it. (I had something else planned for today). It’s just an introduction. Pain is a tricky thing but as usually this will start you down a more positive direction. More blogs on this topic to come. You are beautiful and undeserving of pain. That's my word. :)
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
- Jim Morrison