How To Tell The Good Men From The Bad Men....

Good men don't always ride white horses and bad men don't always ride harleys. In fact good men can be bad men and bad men can be good men. People treat different people differently. One woman's good man could be another woman's torture. So how do you spot a man that is bad for you versus a man that will do you right?
Here are a few tips....

1)He doesn't respect anyone:
He doesn't respect authority. He doesn't respect his elders. He doesn't respect people that help him. He is in a constant battle with....everyone. Chances are he's been locked up or thrown out of some establishment in his lifetime. The people that should be close to him, family, friends, etc usually aren't. At first you may think that this man is strong, masculine, independent, and courageous but honestly, he's just a rebel without a cause. You have to respect someone in life. If he cannot find anyone he listened to before you, he will not listen to you either. Alot of women fall victim to wanting to be a man's everything. That he will magically be mean to everyone around him but you. In all actually, he probably has not gotten around to disrespecting you yet... but its coming. Behind all the bravado is usually a scared and hurt individual lashing out irrationally. So, if your man hates authority, is constantly disrespecting everyone around him, and always bucking the system even to his detriment, you can put him in the BAD category and get away while your dignity is still in tact.

2) He never has anything to say to you
Some men are not the best communicators. Some men have problems displaying their emotions. But even if its not always serious convo, they should want to talk to you. Even when you do get him to hang out with you (which I'm sure is rare as well), you sit in an awkward silence. A man that has nothing to talk about with you probably is either not interested or emotionally inept. Either one leads to some bad relationships. A man that doesn't find you interesting will never wake up one day and start cherishing you. Communication is key. This is not to say he can't communicate with anyone but if he doesn't communicate with you, we have to ship his no talking ass to the BAD category.

3)He comes highly not recommended
Everybody is not lying. If he has left a trail of women in his wake, chances are he's a bad boy. Newsflash: you will not be the one to change him. Get over the Madam Safe a Life complex we women sometimes get. Even if you do somehow "reform" his ways, you usually end up miserable and wanting out of the relationship. So let players play and find a man who is in a mental and physical position in his life to treat you well.

4) He's All Propaganda
These guys are fun. They talk a great game but when it comes down to it, you never see the proof in their pudding. The Classic "I swear Ill make it up to you" guy, the dreamer "One day we will..." guy, and the infamous "If you have just given me time.." guy. No matter how much time, energy, and care is spent, they never seem to come through. Honestly, most things that look too good to be true are. The man of your dreams may snore...or watch too many sports...or make inappropriate jokes. Basically, even your dream man will be a real man. These men sell themselves as dreams because their real personalities are far from what you would want. So if you're waiting for the "day that never comes." Dump him in the BAD pile and lets move on.

5) Nothing is His Fault
Be careful with this one because it usually does not start out with you. Watch how he handles situations that don't go well for him. Does he ever take responsibility for his actions? Is it always his boss's fault, his ex's fault, that guy at the bar's fault? If he never thinks his wrong, in the relationship, that makes YOU wrong. His classic line is "This wouldn't have happened if you..." You don't want to be with someone who constantly makes you the villain and them the victim. Not only is it damn annoying, you will lash out and actually become the villain after a while. Don't sully your good name. On to the next.

6) He's Mean to the Weak and the less fortunate
This one is HUGE. The measure of a man is in how he treats the people he does not have to be nice to. Does he get mad at old ladies for taking too much time? Does he hate children? Does he get inexplicably mad at the waitress? Does he get mad because a homeless man touched his jacket? Not only does he lack respect, he lacks regard for people that cannot do anything for him. he usually lacks empathy as well. These men tend to be prone to fits of rage and unbalanced aggression. NOT a good situation. This means he'll lose regard for you when you are no longer "useful." Now he doesn't have to want kids or volunteer at the nursing home to not be in this category but if he's mean to the "sweet" members of our society. Run...and run fast.

7) He hates everyone that loves you
A good man will never strain your relationship with your loved ones. If your man has made your life a tug of war. If you feel your friends and family slipping away, slip away with them. First, your friends and family probably see something you don't and that is putting him on alarm to pull you away. Second, this is text book controlling and manipulative behavior. After all, you are not going to leave a man when you have nowhere to go right? Don't get yourself in such a hopeless situation. You can tell this man because he usually has a lack of close friends and family himself. He constantly talks with an us against the world philosophy. He's suspicious and your time out of his presence gets to be less and less over time. Family came first, they should stay. A good man will rise to the occasion to gain acceptance from your friends and family. The only ones that won't, have something to hide.

8) There are Other Women
It would seem this is self explanatory but apparently not. If there are known other women in the picture, please don't set yourself up to get your feelings hurt. Now if you are just wanting a good time with a guy, by all means its 2011, do you. But you cannot make a stable relationship with 5 6 or 7 members! If he can't let the other women go, and you're relationship ready...leave and maybe you can rekindle something at a more stable time in both of your lives sans the other members. Staying only makes the situation worse until the inevitable blow up...and after that...a later connection is no longer possible.

These are just some of the really BIG warning signs that the guy may be a bad fit for you. We all are different. We all require different things in a relationship but every women deserves to be treated like a princess. And trust me there is a man out there more than capable to do the job well. You have to know that some things never lead anywhere good. Remember just because he displays some of these characteristics does not mean he is a bad guy in life but he will tend to be in a relationship. You have the right to analyze your partner before jumping into something with them. If they possess qualities you just can't live with, maybe its time for greener pastures. The good men will thank you and you'll thank yourself.

Hope This Helps,
Classic

Why are YOU single?

Why am I alone? So many people are getting to that age when their friends are getting married or are in serious committed relationships. You look up and realize that it has been just you for a while now. But you just can't put your finger on what it is that gets you out of there every date. What's stopping you from finding that perfect match? Well, here are some of the key factors in why people end up alone on Saturday nights. This isn't all of them but its a start to the guide to get you in that relationship you want.

1) You are emotionally unavailable:

This could either be on purpose or completely unintentional. When people are busy, their emotions are invested somewhere else, whether that someone else be their job, their friends, or themselves. People can sense when you will not be able to give them your all and few will stick around once that is recognized. Now if this is on purpose and you are intentionally unavailable and know the consequences of it, it is not a bad thing. Sometimes its necessary to invest in yourself. But many people have taken their head out of the relationship game and don't even realize it. Emotionally unavailable people still sometimes make it into relationships, which has always been odd to me. They tend to be unattentive and borderline mean. Some forget things then take it out on their partners. Others are just relationship lazy. They expect their partner to do everything while they focus on themselves. It is not because they are bad people, it is because emotionally they are just not there. They treat their partner more as an accessory to their busy life than a partner.

The only solution to emotional shut in syndrome is simply effort and time. You are probably distant because your focus is somewhere else. But now that you know you are unavailable you can make a conscious decision to pay more attention to your dating life and the people in it. The time factor comes in because sometimes it is simply not the right time. Your heart wants something that your mind and body can't cash. So if your career is in its flux or your family needs you or you are more comfortable spending time by yourself, sometimes your best option is to wait until your life clears up and you can give a budding relationship the attention it deserves. Don't try to fit a relationship in your life when you aren't stable or present. It never works.

2)You don't believe in relationships:

So many people suffer from this one. They are in relationships but they talk to me and say: " I don't know if I believe in relationships. They don't work." My response is also a heart felt: " Why the hell are you in one??" Seriously people, you get what you believe. Its like the little girl whose mom packed her a cookie and she just knew the cookie was going to be stale. So she didn't eat it and put it in her desk. Four weeks later she took the cookie out her desk and ate it. "See," she said, " I told you it was stale." Point being your insecurities and disbelief may be the thing messing up the relationship. If you don't believe in something, you don't ACT like you believe in it. You may be doing things like being sarcastic, rude, jealous, and manipulative in response to something that isn't even going on. Have a little faith or be single. Relationships are hard enough without one person sabotaging it.

3) You don't have people skills:

Some of the best people in the world are single due to this reason. Talking to people is an art form, whether it be a romantic relationship, a friendly relationship, or a business one. Have you ever met someone that just "came off" a certain way? Well, that may be you. For example, a lot of people say I can come off very serious. I'm actually one of the silliest people in the world. Since hearing that, I focus on smiling more when I come into a room and using hand gestures and light convo to put people at ease around me. People who lack social skills are usually the ones left asking their entire lives: "Whats wrong with me? I have all these qualities but I can never find anybody" Its not you. Its your skills. The best way to combat this is to be more confident, which is usually thwarted by years of basic solidarity. Start off small. Talk to the clerk as you are checking out your bags at the store. Smile at the pretty girl or the handsome man at your job. Do all actions with a sense of demand and confidence. Its like weight loss.. As each behavior is rewarded, you'll want to do it more and more.

4) You are trying too hard:

Men and women are sometimes guilty of this. You call too much. You flirt too much. You make a love connection out of every date you go on. No one likes desperate and its oozing out of your pores. Newsflash: we all would like to find love. But it doesn't have to be every breath you take. Men and women like a good chase. We want someone who shows us interest but isn't too overpowering. Let your date return the favor. It does not necessarily have to be a game and there are no rules to it. But by pulling back a little, it allows them to either step forward (which gives you confidence) or step back (which lets you know they are not the one). Either way win-win :) My advice with dealing with your antsy behaviors is simple: find something else to do. I know alot of people are not going to agree with this but in the example of this personality its for the best. DATE MULTIPLE PEOPLE. Caution: Not saying string people along and be in five relationships. But in the prepubescent stages of new dating experiences, it is OK to have more than one prospect. This allows you to spread out your LOADS of attention so everybody gets just the right amount. When you are giving Bobby space, you can be talking to Jason. But don't let things get out of hand. Once you've sealed the deal with Bobby, Jason has to go. But that should not be a problem...because you kept it real with everyone right? ;)

5) Your standards are out of whack

Notice I did not say the age old "your standards are too high" because I don't believe that. Standards should always be high. You should always believe you can go to Harvard and be a millionaire. But you should also take a look at other opportunities that come your way. That's how you approach dating. Simple things like height, race, occupation in a mate are things you don't know if you will like until you try. But never change your moral and character standards. Those should always be in place. Standard being out of whack can mean your standards are unrealistic but it can also mean your standards are misplaced.Just because you could be sometimes in the future doesn't mean you can get it at this point in your life. Some standards may be a little misplaced. For example, he has to make 100000 because I'm in school and when I get out, that's what I will be making. Well give him a chance as well. You are not making that yet. Sometimes you have to wait to get the best. So if you're aiming for the stars you have to make the journey up to them. Make sure your standards are fair. You'd want them to be for you.

6) You are finicky:

Ashley, aren't finicky and high standards the same? NO Finicky by dictionary standards is "insisting capriciously (with random mood changes) on getting just what one wants; difficult to please." In other words, you don't know what you want until something walks in front of you and that's suddenly better than what you had. NO ONE LIKES FINICKY PEOPLE. Its irritating because its unpredictable. He or she could be your moon and stars one day and lower than the ground the next. The only cure for finicky behavior is insight. Everything that glitters isn't gold was written for the finicky individual. At the end of the day, you are going to have to pick someone and stick with them...or be single. Those are the only choices.

At the end of the day being single is a natural healthy process that I encourage all adults to try at some point to figure out what they want. But if you are in this state constantly and are wanting a change, these may be some of your downfalls. You can and will have a fulfilling relationship but acknowledgement is key to change. So put your best foot forward and go get em.

Hope This Helps,
Classic

How to Keep and Utilize Your Friends!

We all have friends that we love and live life with and we also all have those relationships that are well, more like acquaintances than actual friendships. Some friends are there everyday, some friends don't seem to do much of anything. But in this life we need as many friends as we can get and maintain so here's my little manual to keeping your friends and making the best out of your relationship.

1) You Can't Keep Everyone...
I'm sorry. I wish you could. But the general rule of thumb here is you have to lend yourself to a circle of people traveling in the direction you are traveling. Now does this mean, I'm an engineer, they have to be engineers? No. Its more of a framework of goals and lifestyle choices. Do you both believe in progressive moment? To what lengths are you willing to reach their goals? Do you live a low key or more upbeat lifestyle? Are you drama free? Etc. Contrary to popular beliefs, single and married people, different incomes, different religions, opposite sexes, and different occupations can be lifelong friends if these views are similar.
If you are trying to be the best you can be, someone who is not is a hindrance. It doesn't make you a bad person or a failure to let some relationships go. I know it feels that way but you only have one life to live and you don't need to live it with weights around your ankles. Yeah they were your friend back since the 5th grade but if they've started nothing but havoc and drama since the playgrounds, it may be time to let them go. So how do you know if you are going in the same direction? Simple. You already know. My readers are smart :). If you think about it for a while, you will know if you and your friends are on the same page.
2) Eliminate Drama...
Please people. If someone is about drama in their lives or causes drama in yours, you need to sit down and figure out what the problem is. If there is no resolution to the negativity, it may be time to let them go. How do you know someone is about the drama? Almost eeeverytime you talk to them, its about some crap. There are no "Hey how are you, Lets get lunch" conversations. Now there is a difference between a Mess Drowner and a Mess Starter however. Mess drowners use drama as an addiction. They never start it but always seem to be in it. This usually comes from lack of self esteem and bad choices. These things can be rectified with time and alot of patience but the Mess Starter is almost impossible to change. The Mess Starter enjoys meddling and provoking. They always seem to have a match near the building when it explodes. Sadly, most of the time, they just have to be removed. Not only for you but for the rest of your circle. If there is one problem, it is best to remove that person before you lost all your relationships.
3) Let The Pettiness and Jealousy Go
Men are going to be like...Ohh this one is for the ladies. No its for you too. People are naturally comparison driven and if you are around someone that may have an aspect of life they are doing well in, you may feel those pangs of jealously creep in. Just remember that this is your friend and not your enemy. The more
your friends succeed, the better you look. So rejoice in their success. You'd want them to do that for you. Avoid pettiness as well amongst your friends. Remember to look at the other all picture...your friendship. Keep that strong. So many people have huge blowout with their friends and weeks later can't even remember what the fight was about, but the damage is done. Rise above the he said/she said and your differences. So what she bought the same purse you have. So what he invited you last to a party at his house (I'm not making this up). At the end of the day, if you have a friend you can depend on, count yourself lucky and bite your tongue sometimes.
4) Know That You Have a Good Thing
As I just stated, you have a good thing! Once you've found that strong inner circle of a few people you can count on, make sure you let them know it. reciprocate friendship and be thankful for it. Friends are not there to be used and thrown away, its a delicate relationship that may be even more complicated than romantic relationships. Go out on a guys night or a girls retreat and crack some jokes. It will make your bond stronger.

Now that you have your friends solid, here are ways you and them can use your friendship to the utmost of its capabilities. Friends provide an excellent setting for networking and feedback. Here are three ways to utilize friendly ties:

1) Start Joint Ventures
You spend a lot of time together. You have similar interests. Find some outlet where you guys can bond over what you love and make some bank. Now granted there is a delicate balance between work and friendship (another blog :)) but it can be done and those partnerships are priceless in the business world. If you and your buddy both like sports, open up a sports bar together. Put one person in charge of the actual bar and one person in charge of outside needs like advertising and sales. If you both love charity, start a non profit together. Use each of your strengths to grow the business into something you both can be proud of.
2) Network
Your friends know people you don't know. Good friends have hooked thousands of people up with jobs, friends, even relationships. If they have you as a friend chances are their other friends are similar too. This is especially crucial in a new city atmosphere. One friend can parlay you into an entire network. Have a party at your house and tell your friends to invite their friends...then yall can be friends! (LOL)
3) Celebrate With Them
Lastly enjoy your friends. That is what they are there for! You didn't put them in your life to argue with them and leave them. You chose them to travel with you through life. Toast to those hard times you overcame together!

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”-Anonymous

Hope This Helps,
Classic

The OTHER people in your relationship. Part IV: The Status Quo

You are influenced and so am I. So much of who we are is the culture around us. Many aspects of beauty, truth, manners, mindset, and behaviors are learned through your environment, so it is a fair assumption to tell you that the status quo may play a major role in your relationship.

1) There Is No Such Thing As Perfect: Today more than ever status quo focuses on the creation of perfection. Alot of this comes from the half truths we see on tv and walking around. I mean come on a Bridalplasty show to create the perfect bride?? Every show the people have money and plastic surgery and "perfect lives." The handsome guy in the business suit that plays on tv. The girl with hair down to here that works at your job and gets all the attention. You don't see his obsession with cheating or her never calling those men back. I hear alot of "I just want this....and that..and that...and that" from both sexes. I am a champion of firm standards but you have to understand that your need to look for fit instead of perfection. You are not perfect and neither is your partner. The key to keeping this from being a problem is twofold:
A) Always remember the great aspects of your mate. When he snores, think of how he always listens to your problems. When she's complaining about her day, remember those back rubs and dinners you get. This way you aren't punishing your partner for mediocre flaws in their personality. Believe me you will want that same kindness when you are in your moods.
B) Remember that perfection does not exist no matter how hard people around you try to portray it. The video vixen, that football player, that girl or guy on Facebook is no closer to 100% than the love of your life. Don't get tricked into believing trumped up claims of superiority. I've seen alot of people give up someone good based on the idea that someone "better" will come along. But having a good man/woman IS as good as it gets. And ten years from now that will trump the glamorous facade so many people portray.

2) You're Never Going To Go Blind Deaf and Dumb: I hear this one alot from men. "Oh when the right one comes, I'll know because I won't see anyone but her!" Wrong. Those other women will still be beautiful, tantalizing, and free for the taking. That won't change. The key is being mentally mature and getting a person of substance. Be mature enough to say "Yes she is attractive but what I have matches me well and I Don't want to give that up." If you can't say that than either they're not the one for you or you're not ready for a relationship. Either way, they need to know. The best way to deal with this is to face the status quo head on. Acknowledge how it affects you...

3) Know the Limits of Your Own Self Esteem: This one folks in crucial. I know it sounds weird but I've found that most people either overestimate or underestimate their egos. Some people have the urge to be societally acceptable and that is perfectly fine. That's a choice. So if you know that you lean towards needing society's approval, don't date someone that won't get you that! Its not fair to the person you are with. If you want a mate that your friends ooh and ahh over, that rivals a movie star's looks and a model's fashion, get that. You will never be satisfied with the girl next door. We'd all much rather you be shallow than a heart beaker :). On the other hand if you are dating someone just for their looks, money, status, etc. but you find yourself secretly glancing at a more down to Earth person, this is also unfair. Don't society trick you into thinking glamour is the same as love. How much patting on the back you need from society, as much as its unpopular to mention, DOES influence your decision. You just have to know how.

4) Stay Away From Statistics and Labels: Theres nothing society likes more than putting things in a box. Women have turned into this. Today's man is that. And of course there is usually some truth to claims but statistics don't have to mean YOU. Sometimes we're so busy falling into or trying to climb out of statistics, we don't see the reality of our lives. There are plenty of successful relationships. Don't damn yours before it starts based on how many Hollywood couples are cheating on each other. Don't cheat on your girl because everyone else is doing it. Don't bash your man because statistics say he may be cheating on you. People naturally fall into what they believe is the medium. If you believe everyone cheats, you may cheat a little. If you think every woman is out to get your man, which is ridiculous, you may become the crazy girlfriend. Don't be lazy and live only to the standard set for your relationship, set your own rules. Don't flirt with other people because its not acceptable in YOUR relationship. Talk to each every night because its something you like to do in YOUR relationship. Lastly,keep optimistic. Trust your own instincts and allow yourself to be happy without fear of the news.

At the end of the day, the status quo is always trying to keep up with the Jones's but let's be real, you don't know who the Jones's are. So live the life best suited for you and be with the partner best suited for you. When the Status Quo comes against you and yours, don't be afraid to create your own name and blaze your own trail.

Hope This Helps,
Classic

7 Things Women Should Know About Men

I write alot of blogs for both men and women but I want to address the women in this one. As a little girl, you weren't really told that much about the inner workings of men (I know I wasn't). I saw men as these "other" people that lived by a different code than women. That we'd never understand each other but you would have to find a way to coexist. But as I've grown older, had male friends, had relationships, I realized men aren't all that hard to figure out. So these are just some points to take into consideration ladies as we interact with our opposite sex...

1) Its Hard Being A Man:
There is a lot of media attention about how hard it is to be us ladies but honestly, its hard to be either sex these days. Men have pressures just like we do. Because they have been presented as the dominant sex, it is sometimes easy to forget that your way in the world is not made just because you are a man. In some aspects, the world is far less kind to men. For example, single men can't get government assistance if their life depended on it. You're far less likely to help out a homeless man than a homeless woman. Men go through stress strain self doubt and issues as we do. If you understand that, its easier to relate. If you realize your man is in a bad mood or is off in his own world, this is not the time to compare the severity of your days. Give him a hug, tell him you understand. Men are not indestructible so be the welder and not the wrecking ball.
2) Settling Down Really Can Be That Scary For Them:
They're not lying. Especially when a man is having insecurities on his ability to provide financially and emotionally for another person, the last thing they want to do is commit. It is a scary thought that you will have to support you, a wife, and kids. If you don't go to work, nobody eats. So don't pressure relationships. Men have a way of coming around but take heed to his words. Most men's logic makes sense. If he is not feeling secure, he probably will not make a good mate right now anyway.
3) Men Have Feelings Too:
Women I'm sure you know this from having male friends, men are sensitive. In our society, sensitivity is a weakness so they probably won't burst into tears over dinner. But know that you CAN hurt his feelings. And considering men are rarely taught how to deal with emotions such as heartbreak and disappointment in a healthy manner, you may see a side of him you would never want to see. It is part of your job in a relationship to protect your partners feelings but I see so many women ripping into their man and when he says something back, they go cry. Why do you assume your arrows don't penetrate when his did? Find a way to communicate with your partner. It doesn't have to be normal talk sessions, whatever works for you guys. But the longer you stay with your partner, the more you'll get a gage for what insults penetrate. Warning: This is not an advantage to bring up in an argument. Refrain from ever hitting low blows. Men are much more inclined to leave when their feelings are hurt than women. If you hit that blow, you may never have a chance to fix it. So protect him and he'll protect you. The more you're kind to him, the more likely he'll be inclined to never hurt you.
4) A Man Needs His Masculinity
This goes with the point above. Not only have I seen women say hurtful things but emasculating things. Never attack a man's ability to provide, his strength, his essence of masculinity if you want that man. I can guarantee you your relationship will be short lived. Men have the proclivity to want to be perceived as kings. But women get this confused: its not a dominance thing, its a respect thing. They want to know they are cherished and respected. Be discrete about disagreements. Keep your relationship in house. Men perceive a loss of respect of their peers when they see him not getting respect from his own lady. A man with a wounded ego is like a dog with a broken leg; they may be the sweetest but when they are wounded, they bite. Because of the rise of women in successful arenas, we sometimes forget that its not a competition between you and your man. It does not make you weak to cook him dinner, rub his back, and say to him: "I'm so blessed you are in my life. I love you" Not only does a little pampering of your man promote peace but it stops him from wanting to leave the house for attention, helping you with those other contenders we just talked about ;).
5) Men Are The Strong Helpless Type:
They don't need you but they need you. As confusing as that is, it is true. Hence why men are so obsessed with the "ride or die" chick image. They need to know you're not going anywhere so they can rely on you with a sound mind. Although ride or die is not particularly healthy (that's another blog spot :) The concept I will agree with is stability. Its hard to knock a woman who is always the same and never waivers. As women we sometimes have a tendency to let our emotions build and then explode. You ever heard your man tell you that you're crazy when you do that or sit there perplexed wondering why you're not the same as he left you. The reason men don't respond favorably to outbursts is that they begin to doubt your stability. He begins to question: "Who am I gonna come home to today?" Now true, men like the exciting, wild, unpredictable women but they rarely are with them long term. Men like peace at their house. This one is the hardest for me because I'm a natural talker. When I feel a certain way, I want to stop everything and talk about it until my little heart is content. But try not to bombard the man at the door. Instead, relax, give him a kiss, and talk it over calmly later on in the night. He's more likely to listen and you keep the stable vibe. You want your man to want to come home, to be around you, and to feel like he can count on you being around and being consistent.
6) Men Like Women:
That's why he got you in the first place. That doesn't change simply because one is in a relationship. You cannot take every women off the planet to protect your man so instead of screaming when he looks at Nia Long in Friday or taking away the man's porn collection (yeah I said it), understand that he is not on the verge of cheating. A good man is not one who sees no woman but you, a good man is a man who chooses you REGARDLESS of the other women he sees. Be confident in yourself. When you go out, compliment the waitress on her hair enjoy your dinner then take your man home. He got you for a reason, she's not sitting in your position.
7) There are Differences Between Us but Our Cores Are the Same
We're all actually quite simple when you break it down. Don't do anything to a man you wouldn't want done to you. We're the same in wanting love, respect, peace, honesty, and companionship.

I can't and won't say I know everything there is to know about men. I'm learning with you guys! But I will say this:men aren't too hard to figure out but you have to know the basics. I hear women say "submitting, taking of a mans feelings is so hard." Trust me its not hard for the right man. If you don't believe your man deserves these considerations, you may want to ask yourself what kind of man you have and why you're still there with him. Relationships whether romantic, friendship, familial, etc. take compromise. But you can't compromise effectively unless you know what the other person wants.

Hope This Helps,
Classic

The OTHER people in your relationship. Part III: The Contenders

In relationships, we want to reign supreme. We want our presence to be the only one felt by our partner. But there is and always will be a lot of temptation out there. There are two types of temptation however: dormant and aggressive. Dormant temptation is just good looking individuals that happen to be around your mate. They don't necessarily want them or are doing anything to get them. This type of temptation there is really no relief from. Just as your partner has to come to the conclusion that good looking people exist around you, you have to do the same with them. However, aggressive temptation is what we are focusing on today. The men and women that are actively trying to initiate a response from your significant other. We'll call these people, the contenders. But instead of feeling discouraged or pressured by the presence of other men or women, you can train yourself on how to deal with these individuals who seek to steal your mate from you.

1) Don't Engage the Enemy: Women, this is for us especially. I know the women around your mate can infuriate you with their blatant acts. In today's society more than ever some women feel that relationships are just survival of the fittest. If they get your man from you, that is just how the game is played. There is less and less moral contempt for the "home wrecker". However, do not engage in a game of tit for tat with this other woman. This is not a good idea for several reasons:
One: She is probably better at it than you. Yeah if she is doing something like actively trying to steal someone's mate, this probably is not her first time at the rodeo.
Two: It ruins your character. Be above the trickery. Your have the world's respect at this point. You have done nothing wrong. You are the innocent party. Keep it that way.
Ok Ashley so I can't key her car ;)...What can you do you ask?
One: Have a civil conversation with her:
If you MUST talk to her. If you simply cannot hold your peace, invite her out to a public setting where neither of you can let the situation escalate and set down your expectations. Some women will back down in the face of a confident woman making demands. But do not let her bate you. Say your peace and leave. After she has been told, she can no longer claim she did not know and that is all you want from her. You cannot control another woman but you can...
Two: Handle your mate.
From this point on every interaction you should have should be with your mate. The other individual should no longer affect you, you have said your peace. If the relationship does not work out, it is now in the hands of your significant other. Grown people have a responsibility to not be swayed. If you are grown you make grown decisions. So with that being said, here are ways to keep your mate's attention and loyalty towards you while still smelling like a rose :)

2) Be Confident:
Confidence hides many a flaw. You are the individual in the relationship. Your significant other cares for you so act like it. Confidence shines from the inside out and makes you ten times more attractive than you would be without it. Insecure people tend to be less attractive. So in the face of contenders, smile, put on your best outfit and never let them see you sweat. Trust and confidence go hand in hand. And your partner will appreciate your lack of concern and insecurity. After all, "to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved." - George MacDonald. Your mate will take notice and love you the more for your ability to always believe in your own worthiness.

3) Set Guide Rules and Expectations:
This should actually be done before the emergence of these other people. Early int he relationship, ground rules should be set on how the two of you as individuals feel about different relationship events that could happen. This isn't always the most pleasant conversation so I usually make it into a game. Everyone around me knows that I like the game Scenarios. Its a game where you both sit down over food or coffee and just ask each other scenarios and tell each other truthfully how you would handle them. You can touch upon questions about infidelity, money, sex, love, careers, anything. Mix it up. Don't make it about one subject. And since its a back and forth game, it does not feel like an inquisition. For this situation some good scenarios are:
-"What if we were in the mall and a guy/girl I knew came up and was acting really flirty with me in your presence, what would you do?"
-"What if you had a coworker that was interested in you and came onto you every day and I had no idea about them. What would you do?" etc.
As each question is answered, foster an environment where you can talk about why you feel the way you feel. That way these are all things you have talked about and know what the other person expects from you.

4) Don't Set Up Impossible Situations and Expectations
This goes hand in hand with the expectations you set. Be realistic. Don't set your partner up in situations that are lose-lose.On one hand just no there is no way for your partner to avoid everyone that thinks they are attractive. On the opposite end, don't sign your partner up for a retreat where the coworker that likes them will share a cabin with them either. Being too jealous or too condoning just sets up an atmosphere of a confused relationship. And in a confused relationship, the wrong things gets done alll the time. One example is the phone checking. I hear people say all the time that they check their mate's phone but don't like their mate to check theirs. That's ludicrous. Ask yourself if you were in the situation your partner is would you be comfortable with the rule you set... That's a good way to gage.

5) Remind Them Why They Chose You
If you are feeling threatened... instead of focusing on the relationship between them and mystery person, focus on your own relationship. Bring back the spark. Be romantic. Show them the times they loved to spend with you. Be genuine and loving. Cook them a meal or put on those extra high heels or dapper suit. Try something you guys have been meaning to try. Plan a vacation or a quiet evening home and reaffirm why you two are together. Its good for both of you to see that you made a good choice in staying together.

6) Enjoy Yourself
Too much of life is spent worrying about things we have little control over. At the end of the day (I know it hurts), if they want to cheat on you, they probably will. And if they don't, they will not. So stop worrying over something that has not even and may not even happen. Enjoy your time spent with your significant other. Don't punish your relationship because of fear. Create an environment where you love to be and others will love to be there also.

Hope This Helps,
Classic

The OTHER people in your relationship. Part II: The Inner Circle

Let's face it. It would be really nice to eliminate the world's expectations for your relationship. How nice would it be to just pick each other and ride off into the sunset simple as that. Well, if you're going about your relationship like that you are bound for some uncomfortable surprises as your significant other meets the other people of your life and you meet the other people who are in their lives.

These other people can be in the form of various people and all should be treated differently. I will give you a guide on how to specifically manage and interpret each one of these individual categories... Let's focus on the second intruder: The Inner Circle.

Having an inner circle of blood relatives and close friends is a necessity for a healthy life. Friends enrich you as well as keep you grounded. Family reminds you of who you are. True friends are hard to find and are worth holding onto. Good family structure is to be cherished and upheld. But family and friends are still human. They lead completely separate lives than you do. Sometimes even their best attempts and advice can wreak havoc in your life.

#1: Keep the Details to Yourself
This is a warning. You should never tell anyone every single detail of your relationship. One, it is just disrespectful to your partner to converse with others about their personal business. Two, in anger we tend to vent but the people we vent to dont forget just because we forget. Anything you say will be held against your partner. If you don't want that to happen, don't tell them. Your family and friends love you. They never want to see you hurt,so it is engrained in them to dislike people that hurt you. So unless you like awkward dinners and parties, keep the inner working of your disagreements to yourself. Now if you truly feel the relationship is over then its healthy to tell people, do you have to be certain there is no chances for reconcilliation.

#2: Discern What Advice To Keep and What Advice to Discard
Good friends and family usually come with good advice. Even if the advice is good, if you are not ready to take it, DO NOT TAKE IT. Sometimes in life we have to do things at our own place. If you feel like your relationship is in a bad place but you just are not ready to let it go, use your own timeline. You do not want to end up resenting a friend that was just trying to help just because you rushed into something you were not willing to do. Family is an even harder one to sort out. Remember that your family members love you but they are also bonded to you for life so they will not hold their tongues in telling their opinions. I mean, what are you going to do? Leave them? probably not. So everything they tell you, you have to expect them to have a little more bite with their talks. But try to take away from it the underlying message.


Ways to Know Good Advice From Bad Advice
-Know the People Around You: If you really think about it, you already know who has your best interests at heart. Be more ready to hear their advice than self serving others.Though their love for you does not necessarily make them right, they usually have something to say that you need to hear
- Hurting People Hurt People:
Recognize the state in which the advice was given. When people are in a depressed state, their advice is usually depressing. It is not so much the state of life of the person but the state of emotion. Alot of people get this confused. Your single friends can give great advice. Your involved friends can give awful advice. Don't look so much at whether or not they are in a relationship but rather if they are happy and confident in general. Happy confident people give the best advice (This is not to be confused with pseudo confidence and putting on a show however). Usually if you think about it hard enough you know which ones of your friends enjoy their lives and live it to the best of their ability and those friends should be your advice sources.
- Everybody Is Not Wrong: Repetition is your friend. We all have blinders on when it comes to our mates. It serves you well to know this. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Everyone is not going to like your significant other nor are they required to, but when NO ONE close to you likes your relationship, there usually is a reason. Most relationships are not worth losing everyone around you.

#3: Be Your Own Person:
If you like someone and they are good to you, they deserve the respect of having a fighting chance in a relationship with you. And you deserve to see it through. I have seen countless relationships ruined because a friend or family member didn't like the individual because of something that is more congruent with their own standards. They do not have to date them...You do.


Lastly, if you are having a problem between your friends and family and your significant other and it is not caused by their treatment of you, there are ways to mend these relationships...
1. Respect your partner: If you respect them, other people will. The opposite is also true. Let the ones around you know that you will stand firm beside them as long as they are with you. The people around you will respond to this united front by at least being more tolerant of your mate for fear of your disregard.
2. Create situations for fun gatherings: Let the people around you see how much fun your mate can be. Let them interact with them not as your boyfriend/girlfriend but as a member of the group. This eases tensions and provides chances for individual relationships to form (This is especially imperative in Mom/girlfriend and Dad/boyfriend bonding).
3. Be happy: Honestly, the people around you love you. If you are happy, that will shine through. And the reason for your happiness will also become clear as well.


Hope This Helps,
Classic

The OTHER people in your relationship Part 1:The Friendly Temptation

Let's face it. It would be really nice to eliminate the world's expectations for your relationship. How nice would it be to just pick each other and ride off into the sunset simple as that. Well, if you're going about your relationship like that you are bound for some uncomfortable surprises as your significant other meets the other people of your life and you meet the other people who are or WANT TO BE in their lives.

These other people can be in the form of various people and all should be treated differently. I will give you a guide on how to specifically manage and interpret each one of these individual categories. But it will take me a while so bear with me. Right now we will focus on the first intruder: The Friendly Temptation.

We live in a see and get it world. Everything is at our grasps. As things become more available we become more spoiled and less grateful for things that we have, similar to the antics of a trust fund baby. Along with this comes everyone being a call, text, email, etc. away. See back before instant communications, someone would have to think before going outside your relationship. But in the haze and discomfort after an argument with a significant other, our altered states of mind do not mix with the temptation so close at our fingertips. Before you know it, "Are you up?" has been texted and the door is open. Sadly, most people don't cheat with a stranger, its usually a male or female just close enough to get in there.

So let's talk about the Friendly Temptation. This is someone who presents themselves in a non threatening friendly manner in your life. This person may even KNOW you are in a relationship but deep down, they would much rather be with you themselves. This is dangerous because the intentions of the other person may not be for the sustainment of your current relationship. You can find yourself in positions where you have undue influence from an outside force on your situation.

Ways to Spot Dissention In the Ranks
These are Ways to Spot if you are dealing with a friend or a friendly temptation:
1) The person always has a negative reaction to the mention of your significant other. Its ok to have a friend not particularly care for your mate but if they have too much emotion about it, they may have hidden feelings for you that will surface later.
2) When you are fighting with your mate, the person urges you to them and away from your significant other. "Awww you two are fighting, come to my house, spend the day with me." and this happens for a period of time. There is never any mention of how you could possibly work it out with your partner.
3) They are "out of line" on occasion. You often find them a little too close to you. They are very hands on. They talk about sex or sexual things too often for comfort.
4) You have a past with them. Very few people can conquer sleeping with you and getting past it enough to be a true friend. Not saying it can't be done but more likely than not, there are still some feelings there, sexual, emotional, or otherwise.
But there are some ways to combat these temptations in your life so that you won't lose the most important person in your life.

1) Engage in a think before you act lifestyle
This is just a way to live. Make sure that before you even put yourself into situations that could prove complicated, you just take a second and review your options. Most mistakes are only made in the heat of the moment. Once the moment is over, the "correct" decision always seems so clear. Thinking beforehand eliminates that heat. So after a fight, just stop and think: "What should I do now?" Go somewhere and take a moment. What you should do will reveal itself.

2)Know Who's Who
It always seems like a good idea in theory to have male and female friends and remain cordial with exes while in a relationship but few people have these relationships in a healthy space. Let's be honest, you know who wouldn't mind getting with you and those crushes may seem innocent but ask yourself, would you want someone with these feelings this close to your significant other? If the answer is no, you may want to distance yourself slightly. Your real friends will respect your relationship space. Any opposite sex people in your life should always a) know about your relationship and b) respect your relationship. People that are not respecting your relationship are not respecting you. Don't get suckered into the late night comfort sessions that so easily get people into trouble. Taking advantage of a weakness in your relationship to get with you is a character trait that probably doesn't make them a good friend candidate anyway. Know the people around you's true intentions. This is not to say that you cannot have ANY opposite sex friends but it is a tightrope act best left for your most dedicated and truest friends. You don't want to end up ruining your relationship because someone in your life set it up to be ruined.

3)Set the Boundaries
Now that your opposite sex friends know about your relationship, you need to set boundaries about your new situation. It may be a little awkward to talk about things of this nature with your friend but it makes for less confusion down the line. There needs to be a certain list of actions that are off limits like calling after a specific time or using certain language or words (honey sweetie baby etc.). Basically make them understand that though you value their friendship, your relationship is a high priority in your life and you are committed to making it work. Trust me, your real friends will have no problem making these adjustments for you. There's never any love lost between me and my male friends simply because they have found love. But then again, I don't secretly want them either.

4) Open Communication & Set Emergency Plans
Open Communication is the key to a great relationship point blank. If you are in bed with an individual, you should be able to tell them anything, right? But most people rarely talk in their relationships. Be real with one another. Make it common knowledge that anything the other person has to say will be welcomed and contemplated on your end. This will facilitate patching things after arguments. When those conflict arise, you will be more likely to find each other and talk it out. Another good way to keep communication lines open is to figure out what I like to call Emergency Plans. Emergency plans are those plans you get together early in the relationship. Don't be afraid to ask them "Well what if we do fight, how do you want us to handle it?" Then you will know not only HOW they act when they are angry but the best ways to combat that from the horse's mouth. Having rules in place like "Don't go to bed mad, if something is on your mind, talk to me" are excellent in fostering a communication friendly atmosphere. Like is always said, closed mouths don't get fed and in relationships, closed mouths don't make it to anniversaries.


Overcoming temptation is one of the hardest but most rewarding things to do. As William Butler Yeats says: “Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before.” You owe it to your relationship and to your own morals to give it a fighting chance. Your friends in your life can prove their devotion to your friendship by adapting to a new role in your life that respects your relationship. If they can't, you know their true intentions and can deal accordingly. After all, you would want the same consideration from your significant other and the people in their life, right?

Hope this helps,

Classic

How to Create a Legacy

What do you want to be remembered for? How do you stand the tests of time for people to remember you years after your accomplishments? What do you want your children or future children to inherent from you? As younger people, we do not seem too preoccupied with these notions. We believe we have plenty of time to make our marks on the world. Though you may not be able to achieve everything you want today, these are questions you should be answering or at least setting out a template to answer. Everyone talks about creating a legacy and these are some things that will surely get you closer to being noted in the history books.

1) Focus on The Timeless Not the Trendy: Everybody wants to be part of the IN crowd but the problem with the IN crowd is that different people are funneled in and out of it. You may be popular one day forgotten the next. We can all name countless rappers, singers, athletes, businessmen that were on top of the world and a year years later, their names only come up around the water cooler during reminiscing of yesteryear. There is nothing more depressing or disheartening than having it all and then being reduced to obscurity. To avoid this heartbreak, make whatever you decide to do have a timeless classic feel. Some things never get old or go out of season. And you should have that type of appeal. Instead of falling to every get rick quick scheme and job antics, always think if this decision could sustain you down the line. People sometimes ask me why I go through so much school and I always answer the question the same way. That little piece of paper is permanent. No one can take it away from me but they can take employment and popularity. Education is final. Every decision you make should fuel your future while building up your present. Why put work into something that will not last?

2) Stand For Something: We all know the common saying:Those Who Stand For Nothing, Fall For Anything spoken by Alexander Hamilton, Malcolm X and countless other figures. Its popular because it is true. You should always have a set of values that are uniquely you. These values will define you as a person and give you staying power.I'm not here to tell you what these morals and values should be, nobody should. But once you set them, do not deviate from them. When you deviate from your own values you degrade yourself as a person. You're basically saying "I told myself I was this person but I lied to myself. I don't know who I am" And no one respects that.

3)Stay Consistent: This concept goes with the one above. But it goes beyond being true to the person you want to be. You have to also be consistent in your business and personal lives. Think about the people in your life....Consistent people are not always the most popular but they are ALWAYS the most necessary. When you have a problem, you call the consistent person. When you need to trust someone, you call the consistent person. You RESPECT the consistent person. Flaky people never get far because eventually people stop putting their trust in that person's hands. And sadly, once you are labeled as flaky, it is almost impossible to lose that stigma.

4) Demand Success Now let me start by saying this....success means different things to different people. I am not talking about money, I am talking about the achievement of well thought out goals. The ultimate goal is happiness and contentment with life so set up goals that let you reach those. Then when you do obtain them, you have reached what is called success. Now having said that, DEMAND success from your life. Life isn't always going to be roses. There are going to be plenty of times you fall short or completely bomb a desired goal. There will be times when things out of your control avert your plans or make the road more difficult. But stay on the same road. In life, you get what you demand. If you point your car west in New York, you will get to California. I can't tell you when, I can't tell you what you will encounter on the way, but eventually you will make it. Success if like that too. Have clear cut goals, drive, tenacity, and demand that life give you want you want. That drive sets in motion your legacy.

5) Be a Humanitarian. Spread Love and Resources: This one to me is really important. God gives you what you give to others. If you have made it, you are duty bound to give it back to other people. The world needs help and the world needs love and if you are in possession of those, you are an asset. There is nothing worse than seeing individuals with money talent and wisdom waste it away when people of the world are in so desperate need of only a tiny piece of what you have. Its like you are sitting there will a full ham and cheese sandwich and there is a kid starving next to you. With just a piece of a sandwich (you can still eat well!), you have changed the outcome of that kid's life. And if that wasn't enough, giving back feels good!

At the end of the day you want people to come to your funeral because they genuinely miss your impact on the world. The people that are remembered favorably all had these things in common and you are just as deserving to be in the memories of the people as they are. Live Life, Love Life, Love Others, and Pass it On.

Hope This Helps,
Classic

Vocab: Some of the Most Often Mispronounced Words and Phrases in English

Everything starts with personal growth so heres a few of the most mispronounced words out there.

No: Calvary | Yes: cavalry
No: cannidate | Yes: candidate
No: chester drawers | Yes: chest of drawers
No: excape | Yes: escape
No: expecially | Yes: especially
No: For all intensive purposes | Yes: For all intents and purposes
No: irregardless | Yes: regardless
No: sherbert | Yes: sherbet
No: upmost | Yes: utmost
No: card shark | Yes: cardsharp

To learn some more..visit http://www.yourdictionary.com/library/mispron.html

Question of the Day

Love is based on definition. Someone may love you but the question is: what do they believe love means?

Get Better, Not Bitter

Some relationships are just terrible. They rob you of your abilities to believe in the basic things your mother taught you. You always believed that being a "good woman" or a "good man" would keep any relationship but everything still blew up in your face. You mull over in your head the what if the what couldas and the what shouldas but you come up empty of any profound reason you should have been treated the way you were treated. So you get angry, you get frustrated, you get BITTER.

We live in a generation of playing the field, where individuals are experimenting with what they like. Now more than ever before we have the luxury of casual dating. But with casual dating also comes the luxury of easy release. It is just so easy to love someone and leave someone without any regards for the other person. Society doesn't even bat an eyelash at cheating, arguments,and cruel treatment. Sometimes its easier to just leave than explain to someone why you don't want them or what it is that you are looking for. Sometimes, the person doesn't even know what they want. But if you are constantly the person on the other end. The person getting left instead of leaving themselves yet you know you have a pretty good set of skills under your belt that should lead to you being a good catch, its hard not to get bitter. Its hard not to look at the circumstances and declare that you will always be single and act accordingly. But don't let your nobody let you miss out on your somebody. One of the most important AND most attractive things an individual can possess is hope. Frankly, Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh was just annoying. Nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly negative and that's where bitter gets ya. But don't worry, here's a bit of knowledge to help you keep the faith.


1. Bitter is inevitable in certain situations. Focus On The Length of Time: Yeah I said it. Its OK to be bitter, just don't stay bitter. Sometimes in life situations happen to you that are so heinous that you have to vent those negative emotions. But don't focus on trying not to be bitter. Give yourself time to air out those negative emotions, just don't STAY in that dark place. Have some time out male bashing or female bashing with the friends over a cocktail. But on your angry break up music to do gym time to. Cry to your mom or dad about the state of the world. Its OK and its natural. But this should only go on for a certain period of time. You cannot cry forever. At some point the release is over and you're just making yourself more miserable. A good indicator of that point? When you start to repeat yourself. If you start to say the same thing over and over again, PULL YOURSELF OUT OF BITTER LAND. How do you do this?

2. PLEASE Do Not Date: I think I have to say it again DO...NOT...DATE. You need time alone. You need time to evaluate what you want and what you need and how those things have changed since your last relationship. Dating other people is good under some circumstances (see other blog posts) but when you are bitter, you are practically one or two more messed up relationships away from disaster and until you are in a better state, don't press your luck. Its kind of like being a pro athlete and getting a minor injury that keeps you out of 3 games. You're sitting out because if you tax your body, it will lead to a BIGGER injury that may take your career away from you. Have you noticed rebound guys are usually not people we even like that much? The only reason you are talking to them is because your emotions are spilling from one relationship to the next. So you already know the situation is going to lead to a blow up. Then you go from a sprain to an all out tear and you are not help to anyone at that point. And don't get me started on how unfair and how much damage you can do in your bitter state of mind to that other person. Bitter breeds bitter ya know.

3. Make Yourself Better:Instead, Increase Your Mental Toughness and Stability. Since you are by yourself, use this time to be selfish. Your self esteem is already lower than usual. The equation for bitterness: (Lowered Self Esteem + Pity + Anger= Bitterness). Before you enter into another compromising relationship as all relationships are, use this time to get things accomplished. Don't pity yourself. Pity anyone who didn't want you because you're not Vista, you are Windows 7 moving on to bigger and better things. It helps you get back to a neutral state. You can't feel used if you are filling yourself up. Get back in school, get back in the gym, get back in church, get back around the friends and family. Make a conscious effort to boost your own ego. Not only is confidence sexy, it is a necessary attribute to get over things. You can tell yourself "Yeah they didn't want that me but this me ain't nothing to play with." Make You 2.0. The You that is stronger, sexier, more mature, and better equipped. Trust me, finding better people will be easier because you'll exude the essence to attract better matches.

4. Get Back Out There. Lastly, after some time by yourself (I'm not talking weeks, its usually more like months to a year so be patient :)) you have to get back out there. Don't be a hermit, show that new you off. Don't be scared. Know that during your time "sitting on the bench", you've analyzed the game and worked on strategies to make yourself better acclimated to the craziness we call dating. You have a better knowledge of what you want and don't want and you feel good about yourself. You've restored hope and hope shines.

We've all been through "why me?" situations in our lives but remember just because you have a right to be bitter does not mean you should be. After all who are you hurting but yourself? As cliche as it sounds, you can only be you so why punish you? If you vent, spend time with your numero uno, go through some betterment procedures and some mental toughness drills, and THEN go back out there, I can promise you a new level of man or female will take notice. And so will that ex, though obviously too late ;)


Hope This Helps!
-Classic

When Life Hands You Lemon Rinds...

Life can be very unpredictable. Sometimes everything is set up to be a certain way and then a curveball comes and wrecks your plans and your nerves. The age old saying is when life hands you lemons, make lemonade, but in that process of turning something bad into something good, how can you keep your attitude high and your stress low? And more importantly when you're not even getting lemons how can you STILL get that lemonade made and made well?
Stress is the number one cause of many of today's physical, mental, and emotional negative manifestations so when life hits, it is always imperative to have a guide to give you an advantage against the tides.

1) Stick to Your Ultimate Objective

Now to stick to your ultimate objective means you must create one. What overall do you want most for your life? What are the big steps to get there? Once you know what this objective is, write it down and make it plain. Keep it near you so that when things aren't going well, and there will be those times, you can pull it out and remember what all of the effort is for. Working towards NOTHING is not only pointless, it is a psychological downer. If you're reaching for the stars, it always helps to see them. Its ok to go really big with your main objective. Don't limit yourself here with realistic expectations because frankly thats the difference between the people that make history and the people that read history. Your ultimate objective requires you to have flexibility, self confidence, and determination so having one increases all of those. Being realistic comes in with the everyday ventures to get to that ultimate objective. If being a multi millionaire is your ultimate objective, finding a job with upward mobility may be a smaller objective. Once again, these aren't the same. The ultimate objective gives you hope, the smaller objectives give you a mission.

2) Have a Back Up Plan

No matter what your ultimate goal is, there are many different ways to achieve that things. Always remember that. Do not change your ultimate goal, change your route TO the ultimate goal. So when one way seems to be blocked at an intersection, it helps to know backup routes and detours. Delays are not denials. So with that being said, don't be afraid to take a different route than you expected to take, if the route you are on isn't moving. For example, if you're trying to get into a college program and you're denied, don't give up your ultimate goal, just take some classes, ask around, do your research, and see if another opportunity doesn't present itself that gets you into the vicinity of what you want. Back up plans are not always second prize medals. Sometimes they alert you to things you didn't even know were available and options that are more suited for you than original plan.

Even if your main road is going smoothly, a back up plan can give you a tremendous amount of reassurance. Its always wise to keep a spare tire even if your tires are sturdy. Planning for the "what if"s, the "uh oh"s and the "unknowns" is just wisdom.

3) Keep It In Perspective (Don't Sweat The Small Stuff)

Now I'm from Alabama and we have alot of men and women in their 100's still alive and kicking. When I was younger I would always ask them what secret they had that kept them on the Earth longer than so many others. They all have some form of the same answer:"I keep it all in perspective. I don't stress the small stuff." Most people could cut out 80% of their worrying and stressing if they just found a way to remind themselves all that they do have. Most of us are fortunate enough to have someone that loves us, a roof over our heads, and the capabilities and freedoms to reach our goals. Things that alot of our ancestors did not possess. So remember, there is very little on this Earth that is actually Life threatening. If something causes you all stress and no relaxation, let it go!

4) Don't Run and Hide

Life can seem so menacing at times. We've all had those "I don't think I could take anything else going crazy" moments but always remember that you still have to play the game. Life has no redos nor timeouts. Any minute you are not on the field, you are losing out. Win or lose, stay on the field. Hiding under a blanket does not make your problems go away. On the contrary it usually exacerbates them. Lets go back to the college example. If you don't get into college the first time, the long you wait the more bills you accumulate working, the more self conscious you become about your age, the more life altering experiences (babies marriages family issues..etc) life can throw at you. Time wasted makes achieving goals harder. So make everyday count even if just in small ways. Find something to do each week that gets you a little closer to your ultimate goal. Regardless of what people tell you: success is directly associated with hustle. And hustle is basically staying busy and staying creative towards a certain objective.

5) Let It Out

I always stress this but keeping an outlet is always one of the most positive things you can do for yourself. I always advise two: a person and an activity. The person should be a POSITIVE person that is GUARANTEED to be on your side. I can't tell you how important those two are. Talking to a negative person or a hater both can be not only stagnant but detrimental so please make your confidant someone who has your best interests at heart...and if you think about it long enough you know exactly who those people are. The second is an activity. No matter how stupid or juvenile whatever it is that makes you happy. Put aside a little time per week to do that. Though its nerdy, I looove computer games especially time management games. While I'm playing Diner Dash or Wedding Dash, I relax let everything go and afterwards I'm ready for the grind once more. I also advise that you find something that amuses you that is a) cost effective and b) energy efficient. Honestly, the cheaper and the less energy absorbing the better. Though working out and shopping are awesome, I wouldn't recommend them for this particular thing.

6) Always Keep Moving

Don't talk about it. Be about it. People that really want to achieve something are active. I can't lose 10 pounds watching a lady work out on tv. Goals don't work that way either. If you are sitting, you can be guaranteed you are not any closer to what you want to accomplish. As Ive mentioned before staying busy also is a coping mechanism when things aren't going right. You may not always know what to do but let me give you this tidbit....If its positive forward moving, it can't hurt you. If I want to go to medical school, but I haven't gotten in, taking an internship opportunity isn't going to hurt and it may open some more doors.

Life my dears NEVER goes as planned. Sometimes it doesn't even go KINDA as planned. If you think it does, you're either 10 or you haven't gotten to your trials yet. But it is these trials that define who we are and what we can do. They motivate us to be flexible. They drive us to be focused. They make us strive to overcome. And in all of this we either learn and grow or crack and wither. If you want something, there is nothing saying you can't get there and there is nothing more dangerous than a young, adaptable, focused, person with well drawn out dreams.

Hope This Helps,
CLASSIC

Questions: 10 Things The "Nice Guy" Can Change To Get the Woman He Wants

A gentlemen holding flowers and candy. A man who opens car doors and pays attention to your wants and needs. It sounds so perfect but many men who do exactly those
things are finding it hard to nail down that second date. From childhood, we are told that if we are nice and sweet, the world will shine upon us. So why is this not the case when dating? For those men out there doing everything right but still getting nowhere, there is a guide to dating your mother never told you about: ten things that
will get the nice guy that second encounter.

#1: Take the Bull by the horns
“I generally let the girl do what she wants to do in the relationship,” says B.R. Many times, letting anyone else run anything leads to you getting run over. Women are more independently successful, stable, and driven than ever before but they want to be in a relationship with someone just as reliable. They like to know that they can trust you to make decisions and take the lead.
“I don’t date guys that give me everything I want. It starts to feel like a thief and victim relationship and I don’t like the way I treat men that I get to boss around,” says NH. Women are privy to their Disney childhoods. Fairytales in which the prince rescues the helpless princess. Even though they may not be helpless, that want to be with the strong take charge male still exists. “Decision making is sexy. It makes me want to sit back and just enjoy the ride.” says NH.

#2: Pamper but Do Not Spoil
“I usually spend way more than I should on a woman I like. Every time the chick smiles, it makes me want to pull out hundreds, not that I have them to pull out.” says CA. Spoiling a woman is not a way to our hearts but more a way to be rejected. There is a difference between giving a woman gifts of appreciation and showering her with too much affection however. Many times it makes women feel confused and rushed.
“When a guy gives me too much it scares me!” says NH, “It feels like ‘Oh my God, what does he want in return for all this? Do I even like him that much?” Extensive gift giving makes the relationship move too fast. To many women, the money a man spends equates to the sex they believe they are required to give him later. In essence, you are paying for more than they are willing to offer at the moment. So save your money. Give gives often but spread them out and make them random. Set up more intimate, less expensive dates so that they can get to know you. That way its more romantic and less “date for hire.” Once the relationship has been established , feel free to increase the spending limit!

#3: Don’t Be Needy
“I love affection and feelings. When I like a girl I just want to be up under her all day.” Says PB. Women love that you are in touch with your feelings! You can show us you need us without being clingy. Clingy behavior is a pet peeve of most people of both sexes.
“I just feel like I’m dating a child!” says HP. “I love that you are into me but I need some space!” Yes, women need space too. They love to have time to miss you. People take for granted anything or anyone that is available too much. Spend time with the object of your affection but also give time and space for your own personal achievements and hobbies. It is always an excellent way to test how “into you” she is as well.

#4: Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations and Resentment
“I just have this perfect woman in my head. If see certain signs, I just get out of there!” says RO. Women, even the gorgeous ones, are human. They make mistakes. Being the idol of your affections is too much work!
“I feel like nice guys need you to be perfect. If the guy has visible flaws, I can be myself.” says AE. Make a list of the characteristics in a female you need and the ones you can live without and make some concessions on the latter points. You are a great guy but you have flaws as well. Perhaps, you will do better not focusing on their level of perfection but their percent compatibility with you individually.

#5: Be Spontaneous
“I plan everything out. I don’t want any surprises!” says PB. Women love a “devil may care” attitude. Some spontaneous activity also allows you and the woman to loosen up. Dating is nerve wracking and trying to predict every detail of the encounter makes you feel more at ease but allow for some spontaneity and in that spontaneity maybe romance.
“I love when a guy can just let loose and try anything. It makes me think of how passionate and creative he is and how creative he would be in other areas if you know what I mean,” says BA. Try to plan one part of the date and leave the other part of the date open to give a good balance. For example, plan dinner locations and leave your after dinner excursions open to where the date leads you.

#6: Don’t Hold Back In Conversation
“I am always so nervous in conversation. I feel like if I say the wrong thing, I won’t get another date so I try not to touch on anything serious,” says BE. Closed mouths do not get fed! Nice guys are often scared to bring up anything uncomfortable but those conversations about sex and feelings are what women like.
“I love guys that can have conversations about the nitty gritty with me. Talking about sex stimulates me even if I am not sure if I am going to sleep with you yet,” says Brittany Allen with a laugh. Conversations about titillating topics should not be strayed away from but embraced, just do not get vulgar. Women like to know that the man that they are with is comfortable with sex, feelings, and other deep topics. It adds to the air of confidence around you.

#7: Stop Taking Rejection So Hard.
“When I’m out at clubs, I rarely go up to girls. Every time I get rejected, I get a little more bitter,” says DW. Many guys are successful at dating because they just practice trial and error. When they see a girl they like they ask her out because she may work out. If they get rejected, they do not take it personal but instead take it lightly and move forward to another candidate.
“I like a man that wants me but is smooth and cool if I diss him. It makes me think he has something I am missing out on if I leave,” says SN. Women like resiliency. They sometimes give their number to guys after rejecting them so they can see how they take the rejection. The Clark Gable, “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” persona has always been a way to reel in the ladies. So the next time a woman rejects you, remember that she is the one missing out, not you.

#8: Effortlessly Command the Room
“When I walk into the club, I slip to the side and find the nearest wall! Big crowds make me nervous,” says BE. A guy that can take charge of a room seems like a guy that can take over the world. Power and charm are very sexy to women; those are the two things you need to work a room.
“When a guy walks in the room, I instantly know if I want to have sex with him. Call it shallow but I like to see how other people react to him as well,” says SW.

#9: Be Driven
“I just kind of do whatever gets me by. I’m really not emotional about anything,” says WW. Women like emotional men as long as the emotion is channeled into something productive. “It’s not the success, it is the drive,” says BA. Drive often leads to success and also portrays the individual as passionate.
“I love passionate men that are really into something. Seeing a man work on his car or yell when he is watching sports is actually really hot,” says KP. Have a hobby or career goal that you put effort into. Drive is very sexy to women, because drive usually equals stability and control. And those are essential to a woman.

#10: Stop Focusing on Being The Nice Guy
Focus on being the right guy! “I mean I am good guy with a lot going on for myself. Why is dating so hard to me?” asks MB. As the classic saying by Rabbi Harold Kushner states : “expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.”Simply, the rules of engagement do not change from person to person. Everybody claims to be a nice guy. Most women don’t even believe this unicorn of a nice guy exists. Even the not so nice guys know how to come off normal at first.
“To be honest with you I don’t even know if good guys exist. I’ve had supposedly good guys do me wrong too so I just go after what I want,” says KC. Everyone has their horror stories in dating regardless of their dating practices. Choose women that you are interested in and you could see yourself being a stable quality situation with; go after them. Instead of trying to prove your wholesomeness, work on a genuine connection with the woman.

Being nice is an excellent personality trait and this is never the reason why women do not like a particular male. So many men are under the impression that they were "too nice" and that's why they are mistreated and overlooked when dating. The real issue is most men lie to themselves about the real reason women are scared off by them. Being needy, lacking drive, lacking decision making, and others are not synonymous with being a good guy. If you are conscientious about exuding confidence and being yourself, women will notice the change.

REAL TALK OF THE DAY

Women ....TRUST me a man that likes you is not that hard to spot. Neither is a man that doesn't if you're real with yourself.

Word Definitions

This series is just to help me to keep expanding my vocabulary.


PARSIMONIOUS frugal

CONVIVIALITY merry; festive

CORUSCANT giving forth flashes of light; glittering

CUDDLESOME suitable for or inviting cuddling. Also, cuddly

CUPIDITY eager or excessive desire, esp. to possess something: greed; avarice.

PENULTIMATE means second to last - as in LOSER

PERFIDIOUSNESS betrayal of a trust

PERSPICACIOUS having or showing penetrating mental discernment; clear-sighted

PROFICUOUS profitable; advantageous; useful

REMUNERATIVE serving and providing profitability