When Life Hands You Lemon Rinds...

Life can be very unpredictable. Sometimes everything is set up to be a certain way and then a curveball comes and wrecks your plans and your nerves. The age old saying is when life hands you lemons, make lemonade, but in that process of turning something bad into something good, how can you keep your attitude high and your stress low? And more importantly when you're not even getting lemons how can you STILL get that lemonade made and made well?
Stress is the number one cause of many of today's physical, mental, and emotional negative manifestations so when life hits, it is always imperative to have a guide to give you an advantage against the tides.

1) Stick to Your Ultimate Objective

Now to stick to your ultimate objective means you must create one. What overall do you want most for your life? What are the big steps to get there? Once you know what this objective is, write it down and make it plain. Keep it near you so that when things aren't going well, and there will be those times, you can pull it out and remember what all of the effort is for. Working towards NOTHING is not only pointless, it is a psychological downer. If you're reaching for the stars, it always helps to see them. Its ok to go really big with your main objective. Don't limit yourself here with realistic expectations because frankly thats the difference between the people that make history and the people that read history. Your ultimate objective requires you to have flexibility, self confidence, and determination so having one increases all of those. Being realistic comes in with the everyday ventures to get to that ultimate objective. If being a multi millionaire is your ultimate objective, finding a job with upward mobility may be a smaller objective. Once again, these aren't the same. The ultimate objective gives you hope, the smaller objectives give you a mission.

2) Have a Back Up Plan

No matter what your ultimate goal is, there are many different ways to achieve that things. Always remember that. Do not change your ultimate goal, change your route TO the ultimate goal. So when one way seems to be blocked at an intersection, it helps to know backup routes and detours. Delays are not denials. So with that being said, don't be afraid to take a different route than you expected to take, if the route you are on isn't moving. For example, if you're trying to get into a college program and you're denied, don't give up your ultimate goal, just take some classes, ask around, do your research, and see if another opportunity doesn't present itself that gets you into the vicinity of what you want. Back up plans are not always second prize medals. Sometimes they alert you to things you didn't even know were available and options that are more suited for you than original plan.

Even if your main road is going smoothly, a back up plan can give you a tremendous amount of reassurance. Its always wise to keep a spare tire even if your tires are sturdy. Planning for the "what if"s, the "uh oh"s and the "unknowns" is just wisdom.

3) Keep It In Perspective (Don't Sweat The Small Stuff)

Now I'm from Alabama and we have alot of men and women in their 100's still alive and kicking. When I was younger I would always ask them what secret they had that kept them on the Earth longer than so many others. They all have some form of the same answer:"I keep it all in perspective. I don't stress the small stuff." Most people could cut out 80% of their worrying and stressing if they just found a way to remind themselves all that they do have. Most of us are fortunate enough to have someone that loves us, a roof over our heads, and the capabilities and freedoms to reach our goals. Things that alot of our ancestors did not possess. So remember, there is very little on this Earth that is actually Life threatening. If something causes you all stress and no relaxation, let it go!

4) Don't Run and Hide

Life can seem so menacing at times. We've all had those "I don't think I could take anything else going crazy" moments but always remember that you still have to play the game. Life has no redos nor timeouts. Any minute you are not on the field, you are losing out. Win or lose, stay on the field. Hiding under a blanket does not make your problems go away. On the contrary it usually exacerbates them. Lets go back to the college example. If you don't get into college the first time, the long you wait the more bills you accumulate working, the more self conscious you become about your age, the more life altering experiences (babies marriages family issues..etc) life can throw at you. Time wasted makes achieving goals harder. So make everyday count even if just in small ways. Find something to do each week that gets you a little closer to your ultimate goal. Regardless of what people tell you: success is directly associated with hustle. And hustle is basically staying busy and staying creative towards a certain objective.

5) Let It Out

I always stress this but keeping an outlet is always one of the most positive things you can do for yourself. I always advise two: a person and an activity. The person should be a POSITIVE person that is GUARANTEED to be on your side. I can't tell you how important those two are. Talking to a negative person or a hater both can be not only stagnant but detrimental so please make your confidant someone who has your best interests at heart...and if you think about it long enough you know exactly who those people are. The second is an activity. No matter how stupid or juvenile whatever it is that makes you happy. Put aside a little time per week to do that. Though its nerdy, I looove computer games especially time management games. While I'm playing Diner Dash or Wedding Dash, I relax let everything go and afterwards I'm ready for the grind once more. I also advise that you find something that amuses you that is a) cost effective and b) energy efficient. Honestly, the cheaper and the less energy absorbing the better. Though working out and shopping are awesome, I wouldn't recommend them for this particular thing.

6) Always Keep Moving

Don't talk about it. Be about it. People that really want to achieve something are active. I can't lose 10 pounds watching a lady work out on tv. Goals don't work that way either. If you are sitting, you can be guaranteed you are not any closer to what you want to accomplish. As Ive mentioned before staying busy also is a coping mechanism when things aren't going right. You may not always know what to do but let me give you this tidbit....If its positive forward moving, it can't hurt you. If I want to go to medical school, but I haven't gotten in, taking an internship opportunity isn't going to hurt and it may open some more doors.

Life my dears NEVER goes as planned. Sometimes it doesn't even go KINDA as planned. If you think it does, you're either 10 or you haven't gotten to your trials yet. But it is these trials that define who we are and what we can do. They motivate us to be flexible. They drive us to be focused. They make us strive to overcome. And in all of this we either learn and grow or crack and wither. If you want something, there is nothing saying you can't get there and there is nothing more dangerous than a young, adaptable, focused, person with well drawn out dreams.

Hope This Helps,
CLASSIC

Questions: 10 Things The "Nice Guy" Can Change To Get the Woman He Wants

A gentlemen holding flowers and candy. A man who opens car doors and pays attention to your wants and needs. It sounds so perfect but many men who do exactly those
things are finding it hard to nail down that second date. From childhood, we are told that if we are nice and sweet, the world will shine upon us. So why is this not the case when dating? For those men out there doing everything right but still getting nowhere, there is a guide to dating your mother never told you about: ten things that
will get the nice guy that second encounter.

#1: Take the Bull by the horns
“I generally let the girl do what she wants to do in the relationship,” says B.R. Many times, letting anyone else run anything leads to you getting run over. Women are more independently successful, stable, and driven than ever before but they want to be in a relationship with someone just as reliable. They like to know that they can trust you to make decisions and take the lead.
“I don’t date guys that give me everything I want. It starts to feel like a thief and victim relationship and I don’t like the way I treat men that I get to boss around,” says NH. Women are privy to their Disney childhoods. Fairytales in which the prince rescues the helpless princess. Even though they may not be helpless, that want to be with the strong take charge male still exists. “Decision making is sexy. It makes me want to sit back and just enjoy the ride.” says NH.

#2: Pamper but Do Not Spoil
“I usually spend way more than I should on a woman I like. Every time the chick smiles, it makes me want to pull out hundreds, not that I have them to pull out.” says CA. Spoiling a woman is not a way to our hearts but more a way to be rejected. There is a difference between giving a woman gifts of appreciation and showering her with too much affection however. Many times it makes women feel confused and rushed.
“When a guy gives me too much it scares me!” says NH, “It feels like ‘Oh my God, what does he want in return for all this? Do I even like him that much?” Extensive gift giving makes the relationship move too fast. To many women, the money a man spends equates to the sex they believe they are required to give him later. In essence, you are paying for more than they are willing to offer at the moment. So save your money. Give gives often but spread them out and make them random. Set up more intimate, less expensive dates so that they can get to know you. That way its more romantic and less “date for hire.” Once the relationship has been established , feel free to increase the spending limit!

#3: Don’t Be Needy
“I love affection and feelings. When I like a girl I just want to be up under her all day.” Says PB. Women love that you are in touch with your feelings! You can show us you need us without being clingy. Clingy behavior is a pet peeve of most people of both sexes.
“I just feel like I’m dating a child!” says HP. “I love that you are into me but I need some space!” Yes, women need space too. They love to have time to miss you. People take for granted anything or anyone that is available too much. Spend time with the object of your affection but also give time and space for your own personal achievements and hobbies. It is always an excellent way to test how “into you” she is as well.

#4: Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations and Resentment
“I just have this perfect woman in my head. If see certain signs, I just get out of there!” says RO. Women, even the gorgeous ones, are human. They make mistakes. Being the idol of your affections is too much work!
“I feel like nice guys need you to be perfect. If the guy has visible flaws, I can be myself.” says AE. Make a list of the characteristics in a female you need and the ones you can live without and make some concessions on the latter points. You are a great guy but you have flaws as well. Perhaps, you will do better not focusing on their level of perfection but their percent compatibility with you individually.

#5: Be Spontaneous
“I plan everything out. I don’t want any surprises!” says PB. Women love a “devil may care” attitude. Some spontaneous activity also allows you and the woman to loosen up. Dating is nerve wracking and trying to predict every detail of the encounter makes you feel more at ease but allow for some spontaneity and in that spontaneity maybe romance.
“I love when a guy can just let loose and try anything. It makes me think of how passionate and creative he is and how creative he would be in other areas if you know what I mean,” says BA. Try to plan one part of the date and leave the other part of the date open to give a good balance. For example, plan dinner locations and leave your after dinner excursions open to where the date leads you.

#6: Don’t Hold Back In Conversation
“I am always so nervous in conversation. I feel like if I say the wrong thing, I won’t get another date so I try not to touch on anything serious,” says BE. Closed mouths do not get fed! Nice guys are often scared to bring up anything uncomfortable but those conversations about sex and feelings are what women like.
“I love guys that can have conversations about the nitty gritty with me. Talking about sex stimulates me even if I am not sure if I am going to sleep with you yet,” says Brittany Allen with a laugh. Conversations about titillating topics should not be strayed away from but embraced, just do not get vulgar. Women like to know that the man that they are with is comfortable with sex, feelings, and other deep topics. It adds to the air of confidence around you.

#7: Stop Taking Rejection So Hard.
“When I’m out at clubs, I rarely go up to girls. Every time I get rejected, I get a little more bitter,” says DW. Many guys are successful at dating because they just practice trial and error. When they see a girl they like they ask her out because she may work out. If they get rejected, they do not take it personal but instead take it lightly and move forward to another candidate.
“I like a man that wants me but is smooth and cool if I diss him. It makes me think he has something I am missing out on if I leave,” says SN. Women like resiliency. They sometimes give their number to guys after rejecting them so they can see how they take the rejection. The Clark Gable, “frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” persona has always been a way to reel in the ladies. So the next time a woman rejects you, remember that she is the one missing out, not you.

#8: Effortlessly Command the Room
“When I walk into the club, I slip to the side and find the nearest wall! Big crowds make me nervous,” says BE. A guy that can take charge of a room seems like a guy that can take over the world. Power and charm are very sexy to women; those are the two things you need to work a room.
“When a guy walks in the room, I instantly know if I want to have sex with him. Call it shallow but I like to see how other people react to him as well,” says SW.

#9: Be Driven
“I just kind of do whatever gets me by. I’m really not emotional about anything,” says WW. Women like emotional men as long as the emotion is channeled into something productive. “It’s not the success, it is the drive,” says BA. Drive often leads to success and also portrays the individual as passionate.
“I love passionate men that are really into something. Seeing a man work on his car or yell when he is watching sports is actually really hot,” says KP. Have a hobby or career goal that you put effort into. Drive is very sexy to women, because drive usually equals stability and control. And those are essential to a woman.

#10: Stop Focusing on Being The Nice Guy
Focus on being the right guy! “I mean I am good guy with a lot going on for myself. Why is dating so hard to me?” asks MB. As the classic saying by Rabbi Harold Kushner states : “expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian.”Simply, the rules of engagement do not change from person to person. Everybody claims to be a nice guy. Most women don’t even believe this unicorn of a nice guy exists. Even the not so nice guys know how to come off normal at first.
“To be honest with you I don’t even know if good guys exist. I’ve had supposedly good guys do me wrong too so I just go after what I want,” says KC. Everyone has their horror stories in dating regardless of their dating practices. Choose women that you are interested in and you could see yourself being a stable quality situation with; go after them. Instead of trying to prove your wholesomeness, work on a genuine connection with the woman.

Being nice is an excellent personality trait and this is never the reason why women do not like a particular male. So many men are under the impression that they were "too nice" and that's why they are mistreated and overlooked when dating. The real issue is most men lie to themselves about the real reason women are scared off by them. Being needy, lacking drive, lacking decision making, and others are not synonymous with being a good guy. If you are conscientious about exuding confidence and being yourself, women will notice the change.

REAL TALK OF THE DAY

Women ....TRUST me a man that likes you is not that hard to spot. Neither is a man that doesn't if you're real with yourself.

Word Definitions

This series is just to help me to keep expanding my vocabulary.


PARSIMONIOUS frugal

CONVIVIALITY merry; festive

CORUSCANT giving forth flashes of light; glittering

CUDDLESOME suitable for or inviting cuddling. Also, cuddly

CUPIDITY eager or excessive desire, esp. to possess something: greed; avarice.

PENULTIMATE means second to last - as in LOSER

PERFIDIOUSNESS betrayal of a trust

PERSPICACIOUS having or showing penetrating mental discernment; clear-sighted

PROFICUOUS profitable; advantageous; useful

REMUNERATIVE serving and providing profitability

Role Models

Who do you admire?

As humans we are naturally emulators. From childhood, we fantasize about the lives of others and build upon what we see to create our own version of success. Like I have stated in previous blogs, my mother is a constant model of mine. Other people include Bessie Coleman, Corette Scott King, Nikki Giovanni, I could go on. So I always modeled my life after these particular women's traits, learning how to be strong, resilient, bold, yet not belligerent. I say this to say everyone stands on the shoulders of someone else. Usually role models are always talked about as healthy and positive experiences of tutelage, however as we follow this winding road of self discovery, you must learn how you got to this piece of your road. The best way to do that? Figure out what and who started you down this particular path.

1) Role models can be both positive and negative people:
People don't understand that the bad role models can be followed and followed somewhat easier than good role models. Bad role models don't push you as hard. If you're standing in the shadows of great men like MLK, Percy Julian, Bill Gates (they don't have to be Black!),Alfred Nobel, Albert Einstein, you are going to have to push yourself. Your role models mark your standards. If you have someone as your role model, you automatically define yourself as someone worthy and capable of creating like visions. So strive high. Don't take the easy road out with negative people and mediocre standards. The higher the ambition, the more likely that even if you don't achieve like greatness you will still be proud of your results. Like Kanye said: "Reach for the stars so if you fall, you land on a cloud."

2) Pick A Few Role Models:
Pick both a far away role model and a role model close to home. The people that I named above make for excellent role models for your bigger than life dreams. However for your everyday walk as a person, you'll need to find a role model at arms reach. A family member or parent is great for this. But even if you don't want to emulate a family member, there is a member of your life and community, a pastor, a professor, even a friend that can serve in that position. Your close to home role model is more of a person that you admire their everyday actions along with their goals and values. Ask yourself, who in my life is the type of person I'd like to be? That is your role model close to home. Then ask yourself, who has accomplished something overall similar to what I want to accomplish? That is your far away role model. You can have other role models as well. A role model strictly for your morality level. A role model for your spirituality level, etc. At the end of the day the point is to make yourself the best person you can possibly be by acknowledging and building on the wisdom of others in particular categories.

3) Role Models are not infallible and neither are you:
Role models are to be respected but not necessarily revered. They still make mistakes. As humans we tend to believe that people that make mistakes have nothing else good to teach the people around them. This is far from truth. For example, the Tiger Woods saga we've all seen unfold. Even after his mistakes, Woods can still be a role model for diligence and financial success, albeit maybe not a good one for fidelity and decency. :) That's why its a good idea to have several role models for different parts of your life. You also must be cognizant of the idea that you may not meet the lofty standards that role models can sometimes provide... does not mean you failed.

Role Models are simply people who have an aspect of life in which they excel in your eyes. They are necessary because they offer a way to see a potential path into the behaviors and successes you want. My mom always says: "To achieve what someone achieved you must study what they did to achieve it." Role Models are not an exact science on How to live your life but a guide in the right direction....And who doesn't want a map to where they want to go?

Hope this helps,
Classic

CAPITOL CAUSE EVENT:Top 30 Under 30 Young Professionals!

This is an Amazing Event Folks. Attend if you can! The Press Release is Below... Happy Sunday! - Classic

**Press Release**

Inaugural Reception Will Honor 30 Young Professionals in DC Area
Reception brings accomplished professionals, networking opportunities, and civic engagement under one roof for attendees

Washington, D.C. — Capital Cause in conjunction with the NMC Consulting Group will hold a reception honoring the Top 30 Under 30 Young Professionals in the Washington DC Metropolitan Area on Wednesday, March 31, 2010.

The event, which will include live jazz music by The Marcus Mitchell Project and Art by J Stacy Utley, will honor 29 young professionals within the Washington, DC Metropolitan area who have excelled in the areas of business, government, politics, education and the arts and were recognized by WKYS as a Top 30 Under 30. Capital Cause and the NMC Consulting Group will also announce the 30th honoree, who will be selected by their peers, from a pool of more than 30 nominations throughout the region.

The reception will include remarks by elected officials, business and community leaders, Jamal Simmons, CNN Correspondent and will include a resolution from the Council of the District of Columbia and a proclamation from the Mayor of the City of Alexandria honoring their awardees.

What: Capital Cause and NMC Consulting Group Present Top 30 Under 30 Reception

Who: Top 30 Under 30 Honorees:

Honorees include: Washington Redskins’s Devin Thomas; Mike Winans, Jr.; Natalie M. Cofield; Harold B. Pettigrew, Jr.; “Coach K” Amleset G. Kidane; Shawn Hay; Shayna Yvonne Rudd; Ryan Richmond; Pharoh Martin; William Lance Blake; Stephen Conti; Fred Howze III; Kimberly Smith; Courtney Maria Savoy; Avery Leake’ Lawrence Elliott Ball; Vallyn Lea Smith; Anthony Dale; Ryan J. Davis; Dontae Cunningham; Kimberly N. Wilson; Anthony Ajayi; Frank A. Bryant; Renaldo A. Chapman; Victoria “Shaqwana” Davis; Mahogany Woodland; Shanel Thomas; Marcus Mitchell.

Jamal Simmons, CNN Correspondent (confirmed)
Elected Officials
Business & Community Leaders
Where: Midtown Lofts, 1219 Connecticut Avenue, NW, WDC, 20009
When: March 31, 2010 – 6:30pm to 9:30pm
To RSVP: To purchase tickets or for more information regarding the event, please visit
www.capitalcause.com, or call/email Corey Ponder at 202-642-4287 or info@capitalcause.com.

A $20 advanced ticket grants attendees access to an enticing buffet, live music, art on display, and a wealth of networking opportunities.

About Capital Cause:
Capital Cause is an organization dedicated to engaging young professionals in the giving process. Capital Cause succeeds in doing this by organizing fundraisers, learning programs and financial literacy courses. Capital Cause will also competitively award grants to young professionals who are small business owners or graduate school students.
About the NMC Consulting Group, Inc.

NMC Consulting Group, Inc. is a boutique consulting firm that specializes in business development, public affairs and program management. The organization aims to effectively support its clients by developing and enhancing economic development, entrepreneurship, and community‐related programming. For more information, please visit www.nataliecofield.com.

Word Definitions

This series is just to help me to keep expanding my vocabulary.

noology - study of intuition and comprehension

solecism - error in grammar or wording

blarney - flattery designed to gain favor

vernorexia - a romantic mood inspired by Spring

copacetic - good or even excellent

acquiesce - satisfy